When Work Comes Home: Tips for remote-working parents to create healthy boundaries
By Anatta (Anna) Zarchi
Working from home has many benefits: less commuting, more flexibility, and for parents, being able to care for your children during the day. But those same benefits can sometimes turn out to be a headache. The term “work-life balance” originated from the concept of work being outside the home, but now, with remote work in full swing, that balance can be harder to achieve—especially if you have children at home with you. But that doesn’t necessarily mean this is a bad thing, it just means you might need to re-adjust some boundaries.
When you’re at home, you might constantly alternate between working, fixing your child a snack, washing the dishes, or handling other household tasks. Some parents might feel guilty for not being present for their children, even though they're under the same roof. This feeling of guilt can make it harder to maintain boundaries, which is why it’s important to be especially mindful of where things are at and how it’s affecting you.
How to set healthy boundaries when working from home
You might be wondering how to set these boundaries when work and home are literally in the same building, or even in the same room. NCS counselors Savinee and Tatiana have some tips to share that have worked well in their practice. Keep in mind that every household is different, what works seamlessly for one family may not suit another. Think of these as starting points to experiment with rather than rigid rules, and feel free to adapt them to fit your own rhythm and circumstances:
Signs: Make a sign (or signs) to put on your door. For example, you could make a green sign that indicates to your family that they can come in, and a red sign with “do not enter” or “do not disturb” that signals you’re in the middle of something important and need full concentration. You could also ask your children to help you make the signs and color them. This can help them feel included even as you set boundaries and may help them better understand the sign’s function.
Set your working hours: If you have flexible hours but are struggling to maintain boundaries, it may be beneficial to set your own working hours. For example, you may find that you often end up taking care of the house during the day and then cramming to do work right before bed, or that you’re constantly multitasking. If complete flexibility leaves you feeling drained or unmotivated, it’s okay to create a schedule separating work time from family time.
Schedule regular breaks: Aside from setting your working hours, it can also be helpful to schedule breaks. For example, if you are caring for a young child, you might want to schedule a ten minute break once every hour to check in on them. This ensures that you balance both responsibilities without spending too much time on either one.
Avoid multitasking: You might be thinking, “That’s not an issue for me, I’m great at multitasking,” and unfortunately that’s a common trap many people fall into. It’s good to be able to multi-task when you need to, keyword: need, but if you can avoid multitasking, especially if you are working on something important, then it is better to do so. When your brain has to constantly switch back and forth between different things, it can be harder to focus on the task at hand. If you can avoid multitasking by using the techniques above, then we encourage you to do so.
The work corner: Boundaries also extend to your physical workspace. For example, it will probably be easier for you to maintain boundaries with your children during work hours if you are working from your desk, office, or specific designated “work” spot, rather than the couch or dining table, which might signal to them that it’s okay to interrupt you, and may also make it more difficult for you to refuse them.
Communication: Communicate your boundaries and any methods you’re using, such as signs and schedules, to your children. If your child comes up to you while you’re working, you could say something like, “I’m working right now, but I have a break in one hour. We can eat lunch and play together then, okay?”
Being a role-model: Try to remember that it's beneficial for your child to see you in the other roles of your life. You are one of their models for what a good work ethic looks like. Part of development is also learning that the universe is not centered around you all the time—this isn’t a cause for guilt, even if you find yourself feeling that way. If your child is a little older, or in their adolescence, then this would be a great time to discuss these work values with them. Remember, these values can be cultivated from a very young age, not only through words, but also through observation.
Boundary-setting benefits both you and your children in all aspects of life. Boundaries help you focus more and do better at work, while also preventing burnout and creating a healthy balance where you don’t feel like work and home have morphed into one big indistinguishable, entangled lump. If you are feeling guilty, remind yourself that this is also good for your children, even if turning them away makes you feel bad in the moment. As mentioned above, this is a part of development and can help create a positive model for them. A healthier, more balanced version of you is also more equipped to take good care of your children and to be more intentional in how you engage with them. For example, it’s a lot more meaningful if you can be fully present when you spend time with them, rather than if you’re answering emails at the same time.
It’s also worth being patient with yourself as you find your footing. Establishing new routines and habits takes both time and effort, and there will be days where the boundaries slip, the schedule goes out of the window, and everyone ends up a little frazzled. That’s OKAY. The goal isn’t perfection, it’s progress. Even small, consistent steps toward a healthier structure will compound over time, both for your own wellbeing and for the environment your children grow up in.
Finally, please remember boundary-setting doesn’t mean you’re choosing work over your children. Instead, it’s about taking care of yourself so that you can take the best care of them.
About the Author
Anna works for New Counseling Service (NCS), an internationally recognized mental health center in Bangkok with a diverse team of licensed counselors. NCS has provided counseling services in Thailand and surrounding regions for over 20 years, with therapists specializing in a wide variety of issues such as anxiety, depression, work stress, relationships, and more. For more information visit ncsbkk.com/ncs/