When To Seek Help
By Claudia Gomez
In a world that is increasingly normalizing conversations around therapy, counseling, and coaching, why do so many people still struggle to seek support when they need it?
In the past, I rarely heard anyone openly discuss the option of receiving professional help. Admitting to struggles such as depression, anxiety, or uncertainty about life was often met with judgment or shame. Some typical responses would be: “You can handle it alone,” “You don’t need this kind of help,” “Give it time, it will get better,” or “You’re not depressed; it will pass.” These dismissive phrases discouraged people from seeking support. Some of these ideas still float around society. However, from my perspective, I’m happy to see the general stigma around seeking help decreasing. People are becoming more open to talking to professionals.
When it comes to physical health, we don’t hesitate to see a doctor. We trust that a trained professional is necessary for our healing. Yet, the same logic often doesn’t apply to emotional struggles. Heartbreaks, repeated relationship failures, procrastination, perfectionism, chronic anxiety, burnout, or persistent sadness—these are often ignored or dismissed as things we should handle alone. We tell ourselves we don’t need help and to just push through the pain.
But why is it acceptable to endure emotional suffering indefinitely? Why do we resist the idea that others can support us through our struggles? It’s well-documented that emotional distress can manifest as physical illness. Our state of mind directly impacts our overall health.
Recognizing when someone needs help
Sometimes, even recognizing that we need support is difficult. Cultural influences, family beliefs, misinformation, guilt, and shame can all be barriers. However, one of the hardest situations is realizing that someone we love might need help. The good news is, when we do realize it, we can take action. But how often have you discovered that someone close to you was suffering without your knowledge?
Mental health issues can be invisible. People often hide their struggles, and we may overlook the signs because we don’t recognize them or don’t know how to address them. Below are some signs that someone close to you may need professional support. Recognizing these early can make a significant difference.
Emotional signs
● Frequent anger or irritability
● Avoiding conversations or social interactions
● Persistent grief
● Noticeable mood swings
● Chronic complaining without efforts to change behavior
Behavioral changes
● Avoiding social situations or new activities
● Increased use of alcohol, drugs, tobacco, food, or other coping mechanisms (for example, excessive TV watching or overworking)
● Increased aggression or risk-taking
● Becoming unusually quiet or withdrawn
● Heightened anxiety
Physical symptoms
● Changes in appetite or sleep patterns
● Unexplained fatigue
● Physical symptoms that seem linked to emotional distress
Cognitive signs
● Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
● Memory issues or confusion
● Struggles with learning, communication, or problem-solving
● Poor judgment or risky decision-making
Relational changes
● Difficulty navigating life transitions (marriage, divorce, parenthood, empty nest, retirement, job changes)
● Financial struggles
● Workplace challenges (new leadership, restructuring, promotions, demotions, project failures, or successes)
How to approach the conversation
People seek help when they feel they need it, not when you feel they need it, so approach this conversation with care and without judgment. People are often aware of their own struggles; they don’t need reminders of their situation. They need understanding and support from someone who cares, without expectations of immediate change. Here are some dos and don’ts to help navigate these conversations.
What to say
● “I feel like you’re going through a tough time. I’m here for you if you’d like to talk or if you need any kind of support.”
● “I care about you and want the best for you. Let me know how I can help.”
● “I’m going for a walk. Would you like to join me?”
● “I’m heading to [place]. Would you like to come along?”
What to avoid saying
● “Be strong.”
● “Everything happens for a reason.”
● “Don’t worry, be happy.”
● “I know exactly how you feel.”
● “Other people have it worse.”
● “You should just do [X] to fix it.”
What not to do
● Minimize or dismiss their feelings
● Interrupt or rush them
● Offer unsolicited advice
● Compare their situation to others
● Criticize or judge them
Be mindful that their journey is their own. Your role is to support them, not control the outcome.
When to involve a professional
● If the signs persist for more than a few weeks
● If their struggles impact daily life, relationships, work, or responsibilities
● If you suspect safety concerns, such as self-harm or harm to others
Understanding different professionals
Many people are unsure about which professional to seek. Here’s a quick breakdown:
Psychiatrist: A medical doctor who can prescribe medication and provide therapy
Psychotherapist: A trained therapist who provides talk therapy
Psychoanalyst: A therapist specializing in deep unconscious exploration
Counselor: Provides guidance for specific challenges and shorter-term issues
Coach: Helps with personal and professional growth but doesn’t treat mental health conditions
Other types of integrative therapies: Mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR), cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) with somatic integration, coherence therapy, somatic experiencing (SE), energy psychology (EFT/Tapping), biofeedback and neurofeedback, hypnotherapy, expressive arts therapy, family constellations therapy, integrative nutrition and lifestyle counseling
Supporting a loved one after they seek help
Your role in helping your loved one doesn’t end once they begin seeing a professional. Your continued assistance will be pivotal in their success. A few things to remember:
Respect their process. It’s their journey, and they need space to work through it.
Encourage consistency. Acknowledge their progress and remind them of how far they’ve come.
Respect their boundaries. Healing requires self-discovery and autonomy.
For children, parental support is essential. Follow professional guidance to navigate their process.
My personal journey
When I sought my first therapist at 22 years old, I knew I needed help, but at the time, I had no support from family or friends. I went through the process alone, and today, I am profoundly grateful that I didn’t give up. Over the years, I have explored different forms of therapy—psychotherapy, coaching, family constellations, women’s circles, sound healing, and more. The resources for self-discovery and healing are limitless if you’re open to the journey.
Seeking help can be intimidating because change is inevitable. We know, deep down, that talking to a professional will shift our lives, and that can be unsettling. But the most beautiful part is the butterfly effect. When one person heals, they unknowingly inspire those around them. Their emotional balance, resilience, and self-awareness ripple outward, encouraging others to do the same, sometimes without realizing it.
As I mentioned, recognizing the signs and seeking support as early as possible are crucial. Trust your intuition. You can sense when something feels different about someone you love. Be courageous enough to start the conversation, even if you face resistance at first. Emotional walls may take time to come down.
Working with a professional isn’t just for solving problems—it’s also a form of prevention. Learning how to manage your emotions reduces suffering, improves relationships, and enhances daily life. And the best part? When you invest in yourself, everyone around you benefits as well.
Above all, remember: knowing yourself is the most profound act of self-love. Understanding the reasons behind what you do and identifying your beliefs and needs is what gives you true choice in life. Don’t be afraid to explore your inner world. Your shadows often hold the key to your greatest light.
About the author
Claudia Gomes is an expert in emotional intelligence and intercultural awareness, and an ICF-certified Level 2 transformative coach. With 19 years of international experience in Spain and Thailand, Claudia is an expert in bridging cultures and fostering global collaboration. She has spent the last 15 years in Bangkok. contact@claudiagomes.coach; linkedin.com/in/claudiagomes-coach/