What Words Can Mean
By Kelly Patten
Recently my daughter has been going through her “Why?” stage. Why do I have to wear shoes? Why is it so hot? Why does Daddy look like Santa? Some questions make me sigh; others have us turning to books and Google, and I can’t help but laugh at the brutal comedic timing of a three-year-old. But a recent question gave me pause, and had me considering the implications of a casual, quick response. While I was applying my mascara, the little voice bouncing beside me chirped, “Mommy, why do you put on makeup?” To cover up my imperfections, lighten my dark circles, darken my eyebrows—you know, to look “pretty”. But is this the message I want to convey to my daughters? Mommy isn’t pretty so she wears makeup feels like a loaded phrase our generation heard growing up in the eighties and nineties.
Loaded language is a rhetorical device wherein words or phrases evoke an emotional response beyond the literal definition. Loaded language is frequently used as a persuasive tactic and is often utilized by advertisers, political campaigns, and social media influencers. Of course, everyone will choose expressive language to communicate feelings from time to time. Why say the coffee is bad when you can call it atrocious? But one only needs to look as far as the minefield—that’s a loaded term—of parenting advice on social media to see the effects. Both sleep training and co-sleeping will elicit strong emotional responses. You let your child cry? Your child still sleeps in your bed? Regardless of where you fall, these terms often prove divisive and unhelpful. We’ve all had rough nights as parents, and the last thing we need is to take a judgmental stance against other tired parents.
Perhaps you too had a geriatric pregnancy? Maybe an incompetent cervix, hostile uterus, or failure to progress in labor? Medical terminology often seems stacked against women. Failure. Incompetent. Hostile. My body can’t do this. Maybe I’m too old? Simple linguistic phrases can create powerful feelings of self-doubt. Sprinkle in some raging hormones, and it’s no surprise when women feel rage and anxiety postpartum. Changing medical terminology isn’t an easy fix, but we are in control of our response to it. Recognizing the loaded language and identifying the emotions it evokes can help you separate your body and identity as a mother from unpleasant terms.
Parents and children alike can be affected by loaded, emotive language. And while it’s easy to see the negative emotions that language can elicit, the opposite is also true. Using authentic and specific language to praise children for effort and achievement has a positive effect on their well-being. So leave the phrase “good job” at the door and try out some positive emotive language. I’m so proud you shared your snack with your sister! It was a great idea to put that block in your tower! Taking a moment to choose sincere, thoughtful praise makes it all the more powerful!
Words have power. The language we speak, read, and think every day can impact our moods, perspectives, and so much more. Now when my daughter and I discuss makeup, we use the word “fancy”. Mommy is feeling fancy today so I’m putting my lipstick on. Is it the perfect choice? Probably not, but “perfect” is a loaded word in itself, so I’ll take it.
About the Author
Kelly is mom to Freya and Daisy and recently went back to work as an early years teacher. She previously worked as a primary educator and literacy specialist. Kelly loves reading fiction books, listening to true crime podcasts, and watching Disney princess movies.