Summer Screen Time

By Sonali Vongchusiri

When I speak with parents as we gear up for the summer months, one of the things they get concerned about is their children’s use of devices. With the additional free time their children have, they want them to enjoy outdoor adventures, meet friends in person, and play a game of tag at the playground. What they don’t want is for their children to get buried in a device.

Parents may want their children off their devices for meals, but they also don’t want them whining about not getting to use iPads at the table. Parents may want their children to go for a morning walk, but they also don’t want to be repeatedly asked on the walk about when they can get back on their devices.

Let’s take a closer look at what’s going on here.

Why is it so hard to get my kids off their devices? 

Let’s consider your kids’ perspective. If you and your partner have an amazing date night but don’t plan the next one, you're left anxiously wondering if you'll ever do it again. However, if you plan your next date, even if it’s a month away, you can rest and enjoy other aspects of your life without worrying about your next date night.

It’s the same for your child. Their repeated requests to use their devices or whining when they’re off them is often due to anxiety at not knowing when they’ll get to use their device again.

Clarity and focus soothe anxiety, which means we can engage securely with the world because we know when we’re going to have "the thing" we want again.

So, what can I do?

Option 1: Refocus from “stop” to “pause”

Instead of focusing on the "get", focus on "giving". This means instead of trying to get them off technology, focus on giving them the information they need to feel secure. I call this concept “From Stop to Pause” because we’re not stopping them from using their devices—we’re simply pausing their use of them. 

When it's time to come off technology, tell them exactly when they can get back on and for how long. For example, at dinner time instead of saying, "Turn off your tablet, now!" say, "It's time to turn off your tablet. You can play again after dinner for half an hour."

Option 2: Ask for their ideas

Another option is to ask them, given that it's now dinner time, when they think it's reasonable to get back on their devices and for how long. This is a great option for kids who get stuck, because without them realizing, we are focusing them on the solution instead of focusing them on having to get off their technology. The key word here is reasonable, so if they come back with “four hours after dinner”, you can say, “OK, you’re coming up with ideas. That’s great. Now, let’s find something reasonable.” You can also ask, “Hmmm…what do you think I’ll say to that idea?” or “Can you come up with a plan you think I’ll say ‘yes’ to?” Remember that it's OK for you to have a different perspective than them, and for you to hold your perspective. 

Option 3: Engage them 

Another way to focus them on something other than putting their devices down is to ask them to demonstrate or explain something from their device. For example, if they’re playing a game, maybe ask them to show you how their player jumps and then challenge them to jump like their character all the way to the table.

Why does this work?

Many kids struggle to get off tech because they fear they'll never be allowed to get back on. Boundaries are about safety, clarity, and focus. When we have all three, even if we don't like the boundary, we can rest. So your job is to bring the safety, clarity, and focus.

Don’t be afraid to have a little fun, and be playful around getting off devices. Kids respond to our energy, so if we’re light-hearted, it’s easier for them to do what we’re asking. Laughter and play build safety. Also, if you and your child share a laugh about technology, it breaks that awkward tension and reminds both of you that you are on the same team.

Once in a while, when it's time for your child to get off a game, go up to them and say, "Shhh...don't tell your mom...take five more minutes," when you're the mom. Ham it up with a wink and watch how they happily come off at the five-minute mark because of the playful connection you brought, and give yourself a pat on the back!

About the Author

Sonali is a parent coach, speaker, and founder of Forward Together Parenting. She’s been where you are with her own sensitive, strong-willed kids and has worked with thousands of parents worldwide. Her work is dedicated to sharing how you can confidently parent, have fun, and create lasting change that feels good.