A School Romance
By Joe Barker
“School is amazing!” Not something I ever thought I'd say. I hated school as a child, and my failures as a teacher did nothing to change my feelings. Yet here I am telling you how great school is, because as a parent I love school, and I want everyone to know about my marvelous new infatuation. Now my love is not simply because of how wonderful it is to be allowed to hand your children over to someone else for six or seven hours—although that would have been enough to earn my undying devotion; school has also been good for Marty.
With a four-year-old, it's hard to know what changes are the result of learning at school and what are simply age-related developmental progressions, but in just six months of school, Marty has become so much more confident. Where he would shyly cling to us when adults spoke to him, he'll now talk to them. At the playground, he happily chases other children—whether they're as happy to be chased is another matter entirely; I'm starting to hope personal space and boundaries will be on the curriculum soon. Nonetheless, I'm loving seeing him confidently engaging with others. Then there is the academic progress; it is so exciting to see Marty forming letters, reading simple words and starting to do maths. Plus he's learning Thai so he's writing letters and having conversations that I don't understand at all. How great is that? Obviously, if your kids have been in school for a while the novelty has probably worn off, but I'm bubbling with excitement!
Homework is an unexpected joy. Now I thought homework for four-year-olds was a monstrous thing. They should be learning through play, I thought. It's bad enough that we're sending him to school, let alone then chaining him to a desk when he gets home—no actual chains are involved, although I can see how they'd be useful parenting tools. But this isn't that kind of homework, this is a few simple worksheets that take no time at all, and Marty is so excited to be able to do them. Like his paint-by-numbers or connect-the-dots books, these worksheets are play. He proudly takes them out of his schoolbag and tells us that he needs to do them before watching TV.
Now of course, there is nothing that our children enjoy that we, as good, caring parents, can't ruin. Try as we might, we can't resist hovering as he does his homework, criticizing his penmanship and pointing out every error almost before he's made it. Keep this up for a few more years and we should kill his enthusiasm for schoolwork. On the rare occasions when he gets to enjoy his homework in peace, he celebrates this academic freedom by drawing his letters five inches tall, reversing his numbers and coloring everything beautifully before scribbling over it in black. Not how we would have approached his tasks, and probably not what his teacher had in mind either, but at four, it's more important that he enjoys doing schoolwork than that he does it right.
Naturally, school hasn't all been fun. The first few mornings were pretty traumatic as Marty wailed that he hated school and didn't want to go. Once we were out the door, he cycled happily to school talking ceaselessly of this and that, but as school got closer the tears returned, and hugs and high fives were mournfully exchanged before he marched, sobbing like the hero of some Greek tragedy, to meet his terrible fate in the classroom. On his first day, I was racked by guilt at the heartless way I'd deserted him, my conscience and tears only soothed when his teacher sent a picture of Marty happily playing. Nonetheless I was at school long before the end of the day, braced to scoop up a weeping boy. Instead I found a boy bouncing with enthusiasm who couldn't stop telling me how much he loved school. Although that didn't stop him sobbing again the next morning, nor muttering that he hated school, I was calmer since I knew he'd have a great day once I left. By the second week, he stopped crying at drop-off time and was asking me to collect him later so he could play more. By the time we got to Christmas, he wanted to join his class at school on Christmas day. Tempted though we were to send him in, we thought it best to ignore his tears and insist on him taking the day off.
Even if Marty is now telling us how much he loves school, we've no idea why. When we ask, buzzing with curiosity, what he did that was so great he'll grudgingly tell us that he ate rice and egg and wouldn’t try the vegetables. Other than that he refuses to give up his secrets and responds to every question with “Nothing”. Politicians stonewalling a tough interviewer could learn from his resolute refusal to comment. A rare exception was the day John threw up in the playground, that we heard about, many, many, many times.
My favorite part of the school pick up, aside from hearing about the delicious rice and eggs and admiring Marty's clarity of diction when saying nothing, is chasing down the ice cream man, and then, while Marty enjoys his frozen bounty by the side of the road, searching Marty’s school bag for treats. Thai parents are amazingly generous, or at least more generous than those at my old primary school; three or four days a week Marty will have a bag of goodies stashed in his rucksack. We've had lego cars, countless lollipops, and a lot—I suspect someone's parents must work for a relevant company—of baby wipes and soap. Doesn't matter how small or peculiar it is, I love a freebie and every one of these gifts excites me as much as Marty.
School has also been great for me and Alice. The new structure to our days means that once Marty is at school we get to play together without his constant interruptions. Obviously, this is hard on Alice as she'd much rather cuddle her lovely nanny than this strange daddy who's normally too busy with Marty to play with her, but I'm loving the chance to get more one-on-one time with Alice, and I’m hoping that she'll come to enjoy it too. Then there is naptime, once Alice is asleep I get some genuine alone time. As a former expert in the art of procrastination I usually waste this time, but every day I look forward to those two hours of uninterrupted productivity, or at least a chance to rest and recharge.
The biggest downside to school is that the weekends and especially the holidays now seem like extreme, and unfair endurance challenges that stretch daunting and endless before us. Childcare seems so much easier and more reasonable when someone else is doing it. In just a few weeks, I’ve become accustomed to being a one-child parent and it seems like a terrible imposition to have two again. Surely there's a way to keep him in school full time?
In the early days of a new romance, it is easy to think that our new flame is without fault, but at the moment, I see nothing but happiness ahead for me and school. It is a love for the ages.
About the Author
Joe and his wife Diane moved to Thailand in 2018. Since the arrival of their son Martin in 2021 and daughter Alice in 2024, Joe has been a stay-at-home father. The whole family enjoys BAMBI playgroups and Thai beach holidays. Find Joe on SubStack: BangkokDad bangkokdad.substack.com/