The Reality of Parenting During the Pandemic
This is the personal story of how a mother managed months of being apart from her husband.
By Sara Chow
As the sliding door of the Alternative State Quarantine hotel opened, I walked towards my husband, holding my 3-year-old's hand. My son dropped my hand and walked hesitantly towards his daddy, whose medical mask was covering half his face. His hair was grazing his shoulders and he looked like he had come out of a cave. My son recognized him and exclaimed “Daddy!” as he ran into his father’s open arms. Tears welled in my eyes as I watched them reunite and I joined them for a group hug. We were finally together again.
When we said goodbye as my husband left for work in China six months ago it was like sending him off to war. I trusted him to take good care of himself, but China was a dangerous country, being the epicentre of COVID-19. We didn’t know that he wouldn’t be allowed back into Thailand six weeks later when the Thai government took swift action to protect the population. The lockdown closed the country to all foreigners, regardless of their relations to Thailand.
As a Bangkok resident for over two decades, I’ve experienced several coup d’états when Bangkok was under emergency decree and curfews were in place. I remember being in a night club and soldiers coming inside to shut it down! I even had the nerve to snap a selfie with a soldier. But this time it was different, I now have more responsibility with a toddler. Our nanny’s husband is a motorcycle driver and their household has more than ten members so she couldn’t live-in with us. I paid her to stay home and keep healthy until the COVID situation was better. So then it was my son and me.
Here are the things I found challenging and what helped me through this tough time.
Entertaining my son - We did alright in the beginning as I had a huge stash of art supplies. I had saved lots of recycled materials and conjured up all kinds of creative projects for him to play with. You can see some of the ones I shared with BAMBI readers earlier in the year.
Meals - Being Chinese, my son’s meals are a rotation of noodles, pasta or rice with meat and vegetables. I can’t cook to save myself, but I managed to prepare his meals with ease. I’m super thankful for the wonderful food delivery services we have in Bangkok but at times I had to remind myself to stay nourished. Collecting food from the delivery guy became troublesome. We had to dress, put on masks, and go downstairs and then on the way back, we had to sanitize ourselves and our shoes etc.
Mentally tough – It wasn’t too bad but as days turned into weeks and then into months, I became more frustrated and irritated. I was losing my temper at my son often, and I hated myself for the impatient, explosive and angry person I had become. There was one challenging day where he was especially naughty; not picking up his toys, not eating his lunch and refusing to nap. I was exhausted and the final straw was when he sneezed and sprayed his noodles all over me and the couch. I was so furious that I locked myself in the bathroom for fear that I would regret punishing him physically. That night I held him and explained why he was not nice today and why mommy was so angry and sad. I find it helpful to talk about our day before we sleep, not so much for him but more for myself. I’m not sure if he takes much in during our talks, but this little routine helps to conclude the day and we start fresh the next day.
Technology - How lucky are we for the technology we have! My son could still see his daddy through a video call every night, at no extra cost, and we updated each other on what was going on in our lives. Daddy ended up missing his third birthday, so we moved the celebration back. He finally made it back after six months and completed quarantine so now life is finally getting back to normal.
In situations like this it’s important to realize that it was just as hard for the other parent and they didn’t choose to leave you in this challenging position. The communication between my husband and I has always been a strength in our long-distance relationship. It helped that I could express my feelings of frustration, irritation and anger and that he listened and mentally supported us from afar. This period was difficult for us, but I am proud that we came out stronger than before.
Photo courtesy of the author.
About the Author
Sara is a Cantonese (HK) – Thai mixed Mommy who has lived in Bangkok for 29 years. She speaks Cantonese, Mandarin, Thai and English fluently and has been BAMBI’s Chinese coordinator, a playgroup leader and playgroup coordinator assistant since 2018.
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