The Psychology Of Change
By Claudia Gomes
Imagine driving through Bangkok. Traffic suddenly stops. Your GPS recalculates the route, and you have to change direction. Even if the new route is shorter, your first reaction is often frustration rather than relief.
Change is the only constant in our lives. When we learn to deal with it peacefully, life tends to become lighter and far more interesting, because new experiences are always unfolding. Our perception of circumstances shapes the way we experience change. Our beliefs about how things should, would, or could be influence how we feel.
Change can be uncomfortable: moving to a new country, changing schools, entering a new phase of life, starting a new job, ending a relationship, or retiring. Yet these transitions are often essential for our growth as human beings.
Our brain prefers predictability
Our brains are not looking for happiness; they are looking for certainty.
We naturally seek situations that make us feel safe, comfortable, and confident about what lies ahead. Certainty creates a sense of safety, while uncertainty consumes mental energy. Our brain is constantly predicting what will happen next, which is why anxiety, irritation, difficulty concentrating, and tiredness are often part of the process of change, even when the change is welcome. We are wired to find solutions, fill in the blanks, understand what is happening, and do anything that helps us move away from uncertainty, the scary unknown.
Why good changes can feel bad
What makes change difficult is that, even when it happens for a positive reason, we are always letting go of something in the process. Every decision we make involves gaining something while giving something else up. It is the act of letting go in order to welcome something new.
Getting married opens a new chapter in life while leaving behind the independence of being single. Having a baby may require changes in your career. Moving abroad limits the time you spend with family and friends in your home country. Buying a house can reduce your flexibility to move elsewhere. A promotion often brings greater responsibility.
These are just a few examples of what may happen when we embrace change. But one of the biggest shifts is often the transformation in our self-identity. To become the person who lives this new chapter, we usually need to let go of old beliefs, familiar ways of thinking, or habits that no longer support the path ahead.
The "in-between" space
This is where the scary unknown lives. This is the bridge between the old and the new, between the old you and the new you. It is the stage where you are learning, not yet fully aware of everything that is changing, and often wondering whether you will be able to handle it. You are no longer the person you were, but you are still discovering who you are becoming.
Moving abroad or watching a child leave home are good examples. In your home country, you know who you are, your family, friends, work, language, and culture all help define your identity. A new country creates space for exploration and discovery, especially about yourself and how you will adapt to this new reality.
Similarly, when a child leaves home family dynamics change. A mother no longer needs to care for her child every day. Suddenly, she has more time and the opportunity to rediscover another part of her identity.
This in-between space often brings confusion, impatience, a sense of feeling lost, lower productivity, and many questions. Many people assume something is wrong, when in reality the brain is simply reorganizing its internal map. These types of transition are necessary. It is part of moving forward.
Growth doesn't always feel like progress
A common misconception is that growth should always feel exciting, inspiring, or rewarding. In reality, growth often feels uncomfortable, uncertain, slow, and vulnerable.
Developing new abilities requires us to let go of our automatic ways of doing things. When a child learns to walk, they fall many times before they succeed. They hesitate. They lose their balance. Yet every attempt teaches them something new.
As adults, we go through the same process emotionally. Some people have developed emotional maturity over time, while others are still learning these skills. To navigate change consistently and with resilience, we need to be emotionally grounded.
The truth is that most of us were never taught how to understand or regulate our emotions as children. Instead, we learn later in life, through experience, therapy, coaching, or other forms of personal development.
How to move through change more gently
We have to remind ourselves that we are always doing the best we can with the knowledge and resources we have at the time. If we had known something different, perhaps we would have made a different decision.
Here are some practical suggestions:
Don't rush to certainty: Allow things to unfold naturally. You will find your answers—you always have.
Keep small routines: Take one step at a time. Start small and build from there. Allow yourself and your body to adjust gradually. If you haven't exercised before, don't aim for the gym five days a week. Start with one day and increase slowly. The same applies to changing your eating habits: change one thing at a time.
Sleep well: Good sleep is fundamental to every area of life. Create a consistent bedtime routine. Go to bed and wake up at the same time every day, including weekends. Turn off screens about an hour before bed, read a book, and allow your mind to settle.
Allow mixed emotions: It is perfectly normal to feel confident one day and completely uncertain the next. You may feel excited about your progress while also grieving what you’ve left behind. Emotions fluctuate during transitions. Rather than resisting them, learn from them. They are like a compass, helping you find your way.
Ask for support: This can be one of the hardest, and most important, parts of change. Many people are uncomfortable asking for help and end up facing challenges alone. Allow others to support you, just as you enjoy supporting those around you.
Celebrate small signs of progress: Small victories make the journey more enjoyable. Learning one new word in a different language, eating less sugar today, going to the gym for twenty minutes, or having coffee with a local who introduces you to a wonderful restaurant. Every small step matters if you choose to recognize it.
Remember, discomfort is not always a sign of danger. Often, it is simply part of the process of becoming.
Final reflection
Changing gears is not about stopping. It's about finding the right rhythm for the road ahead. Every transition asks us to release something familiar before we can fully embrace what comes next. The discomfort doesn't necessarily mean you're going the wrong way. Sometimes, it's simply the feeling of becoming someone new.
About the Author
Claudia Gomes is an expert in Emotional Intelligence and Intercultural Awareness, and an ICF-certified Level 2 Transformative Coach. With 20 years of international experience across Spain and Thailand, 17 of them based in Bangkok, she specializes in bridging cultures, strengthening human connections, and fostering meaningful global collaboration. Contact Claudia at: contact@claudiagomes.coach; linkedin.com/in/claudiagomes-coach/