Protecting And Nurturing Joy In The Digital Age
By Anatta (Anna) Zarchi
Screens help us stay connected, provide entertainment, and are pretty much unavoidable. But how much is “too much”, and how can we use screens while maintaining a healthy mind?
What screens are doing to focus
Counselor Tatiana shares that many apps are designed to grab our attention. We tend to receive far more information in a short span of time than our brains are equipped to handle. Everything moves so quickly that we begin to lose the capacity to concentrate for longer periods of time. She explains that, “If we don’t teach children and teenagers to be aware of this design feature, and to set boundaries with their screens by turning off notifications or setting their phones to ‘Do Not Disturb’, it can lead to a dependency on screen time to feel secure and reassured.”
Counselor Pam adds that many teens express having trouble focusing, even though this wasn’t something they had previously struggled with. In her experience, focus tends to return once screen time is reduced. Her recommendation is that screens should be off-limits during homework and school hours to help children focus by avoiding multi-tasking and distraction.
What screens are doing to physical health
Counselor Pam says that people, both children and adults, tend to use their phones before bed. The blue light from the screen suppresses melatonin production, which, in combination with the addictive nature of social media and games, can keep us awake for much longer than we should be. This interferes with sleep hormones—and for children and teens, growth hormones as well.
Beyond sleep disruption, extended close-range screen use can also strain the eyes. For children with high myopia or astigmatism, excessive screen time may contribute to issues such as eye muscle imbalance or double vision. Screens don’t just affect the mind—they affect the body too.
What screens are doing to happiness
Counselor Pam also notes that screen use affects other chemicals in the brain, which may lead to anxiety and low mood. Additionally, phones grant us what people are now calling “fake dopamine”, meaning dopamine from some form of instant gratification that doesn’t actually give us lasting, rewarding, or genuine joy. Think of how you might feel restless, irritated, or anxious without your phone, and then placated again once you pick it up.
There is also the issue of comparisons on social media, which allows people to perfectly curate how they present themselves, and to (perhaps instinctively) share only the best parts of their lives. For many young people, this can be a deep source of unhappiness. It’s important to remind them that what they see isn’t the full story.
At the same time, heavy screen-time is not the sole factor that can affect our happiness. Feelings of loneliness, rejection, or lack of fulfillment may also play a role. Tatiana adds, “I would argue that heavy screen-time is a symptom of a lack of fulfillment in day-to-day reality, that then becomes a negative feedback loop if unchecked.” Some might be using screens to escape from real life or from their own thoughts. While there is a joke online that teens like to make about how parents blame everything on “the damn phone”, and even though it definitely is the damn phone sometimes, it’s important to look at the other pieces of the puzzle too!
Tatiana shares that engaging in the right social media platforms can also be liberating for teens who feel like their interests don’t fit in with their peer group, and can even strengthen real-life friendships. Yet, too much social media can disconnect them from face-to-face communication, including important social cues such as tone and body language.
You might have seen some people online talk about the “Gen Z stare”. This “stare” is a blank gaze accompanied by silence that people have sometimes observed Gen Z doing when met with questions or comments, and which many believe is caused by a lack of real-life connection.
Reclaiming joy and focus beyond the screen
So how can we protect joy and focus in such screen-heavy lives? The simplest answer is to nurture other hobbies that children enjoy and find rewarding—something adults could benefit from too. This could be sports, arts and crafts, singing, dancing, hiking, reading, writing, and more. Counselor Pam describes these as “three-dimensional activities” that allow children to express themselves or connect with others. Additionally, you could engage them in some of the following activities to boost one of the eight types of intelligence.
Interpersonal: Playing with others, letting kids take turns being a “leader” for a day (this could be in the roles they take while playing), and using emotion charts.
Intrapersonal: Journaling, reflective prompts, completing sentences about who they are, what they like, what their goals are, and so on.
Logical-mathematical: Brain teasers, logic puzzles, strategy games like Sudoku or chess, or science experiments.
Naturalistic: Being outdoors in nature, learning about plants and flowers, or planting something themselves.
Spatial: Three-dimensional activities like Lego, building blocks, puzzles, and different forms of art.
Bodily-kinesthetic: Sports, dancing, drama, physical movements that accompany learning (like jumping jacks or clapping), or eurythmy.
Linguistic: Reading, writing, storytelling, word games (Scrabble, crosswords), debates/discussions, and interpretation/analysis.
Musical: Singing, playing an instrument, listening to or watching shows with music.
As mentioned earlier, screens can be addictive, and when children see everyone else using them, they may feel left out if they don’t have the same access. Protecting joy and focus doesn’t mean eliminating screens altogether, but rather it means setting healthy boundaries.
Screen usage becomes harmful when it begins to affect other areas of life. Counselor Savinee suggests setting time limits on devices. For children younger than ten, this shouldn’t exceed a couple of hours a day. For teens, Tatiana recommends creating space for open conversations—encouraging them to question and reflect on what they’re seeing online to help lessen any negative effects of what they’re seeing.
Finding balance in real life
But what about when parents need rest, or have to work? Many children are given an iPad to keep them quietly occupied while parents manage other responsibilities, or just need a break. Pam and Savinee’s answer is simple: toys, such as dolls, building blocks, drawing, painting, reading—all the things children enjoyed before screens became such a big part of our lives. Children have amazing imaginations and can safely play by themselves while you rest or do other things. Independent play supports children's development, boosting their creativity and problem-solving skills.
I went to a school where phones and television were not allowed until Grade 9. This was an extreme stance, and I can speak from experience that too much “no” can cause children to be even more curious about what they’re missing out on. This can lead to secret, unsupervised access for kids, which increases the risk of children accidentally consuming harmful media. Screen usage isn’t inherently bad, rather, it’s about finding balance.
In high school, we were asked to put our phones in a box at the beginning of the day and take them back after school. I think this was a reasonable and balanced method; it helped everyone concentrate in class and fully enjoy each other’s company. Phones don’t just disrupt focus when studying—sometimes they interrupt fun too.
To conclude, Tatiana says, “Too much doomscrolling is bound to affect anyone’s mood, even if it is a cheap and easy distraction. It doesn’t actually calm or regulate one’s emotions. Time to go touch some grass! Switch it up with another activity. Do something to get out of your head.” As a big lover of touching grass, I second that!
About the Author
Anna works for New Counseling Service (NCS), an internationally recognized mental health center in Bangkok with a diverse team of licensed counselors. NCS has provided counseling services in Thailand and surrounding regions for over 20 years, with therapists specializing in a wide variety of issues such as anxiety, depression, work stress, relationships, and more. For more information visit ncsbkk.com/ncs/