Parenting Through Long Days: Staying Patient and Positive When Routines Disappear

By Laura Devos

As summer approaches, kids get excited for a break, for fun, play, and adventure. For staying up late, for play dates, the park, and no homework! But for parents, the feeling is different. Whether parents are working or not, the overbearing question is: “How will I keep my kids occupied during this long summer break?” It can induce worry, stress, and anxiety, especially if you have a high-energy child or if you are tight on funds. And it’s not just for a week or two. Depending on your child’s school, it can be for seven to ten weeks. That’s a lot of time. Recognizing this challenge, I’m here to support you with three key steps to get you through the summer. 

First things first: recognize and accept your feelings

Feelings? What? Yep. It’s important to recognize if you’re feeling anxious, worried, or stressed as summer approaches. This is even more important as the feeling most likely clashes with how your children feel—really, really excited. Journaling can be very therapeutic. Get out your journal, and if you don’t have one you can easily pick one up—even 7-11 has simple options—get a pen, and write it out. 

Start with your emotions. We have six primal emotions: anger, sadness, joy, surprise, disgust, and fear. Which do you feel? Close your eyes in a quiet moment and run through that list while listening to your heart. Are you sad to lose the routine? Are you fearful of all the free time and how you will manage your workload or life admin? Write down your emotions. From there, identify two-three feelings. If you’re sad, maybe the feeling is being powerless, or worried about being lonely when ‘everyone’ has left for summer. Or if your emotion is fear, maybe the feeling is anxious, or worried about the lack of routine.

Secondly: Identify your needs

As parents, we know that we can’t pour from an empty cup. Our children can ask, take, and ask some more, and after we give, and give some more, we find ourselves drained. Exhausted. And unable to show up how we want to. This is when we’re easily triggered, we may snap, yell, or do something we regret. During the long summer weeks, we must ensure that our inner well, our cup, is replenished. The easiest way to do this is to do a needs-scan. Do it before summer starts and then do mid-summer check-ins. How am I feeling? What do I need? How can I address my needs? One need that I often hear from parents is a need for rest, parents feel tired, and depleted. They are either working in overdrive during the day and can’t take a moment to rest, or the stressors of the day, or mama guilt, keep them up at night. These don’t support them having restorative rest to show up energized the next day. 

If you’re having long days with your child in the summer, schedule in a pause. Call it what works for you, it might be “calm time,” or “quiet time” or “break time.” Even if you’re scheduling it in for you, know that they need it just as much as you. It’s not a punishment, it’s a nourishment. This is especially true during beach days or long swimming and outdoor days. If your child is under five and you don’t have help around, try to find a very comfortable position, relaxing on a bed or couch, and do some quiet drawing together. Enjoy a nap with them if they still nap. If they are a bit older, they might enjoy a sticker book alone, while you rest on the couch. Load up on sticker books, there are many affordable options in the Thai sticker section at B2S or Kinokuniya—฿90 a piece. If your child is eight years or older, they might be happy curling up with a book. Get a Neilson Hayes library membership and save lots as you check out books all summer long. 

Your need might be ‘community,’ or ‘connection,’ in which case you’ll want to brainstorm with other parents who are staying in Bangkok over summer. Make a plan to rotate playdates at each other’s houses or do one day a week at the library or Chatuchak Children’s Museum as the week’s social outing. Try to do this planning before school closes so you feel equipped and ready. 

Recognizing and listening to your emotions, feelings, and needs will be key to remaining patient and positive during the summer months. 

Third: Come up with a flexible schedule while addressing your needs

You may be thinking, what? My needs? But there’s no point in designing a schedule that exhausts or stresses you out, that’s tough on the finances, or that is too demanding of you or your child. If your nervous system is on fire in HarborLand, skip it.

Let’s keep three words in mind as we plan our summer schedule: simplicity, creativity, and flexibility. 

Simplicity: For children under eight, you can imagine their needs are like yours. They flourish in simplicity and still need down time. What does this look like? Think about a morning activity then lunch, followed by quiet time and an afternoon activity, then prep dinner and unwind before bed. Done. 

Creativity: If you have the time and space, imagine summer as your canvas. What’s something that you love to do that you never have time to do? Is it pottery? Painting? Bike rides in Rod Fai—you can rent bikes even with babyseats, and tricycles in this beautiful park with a safe bike lane. This is your time to do it. Bring your passion and creativity, show your children your interests, and learn and bond together. Kids love this. It builds connection, which is the opposite of power struggles over the iPad. Prioritize connection. This is what will help you have a peaceful summer. 

Flexibility: Whatever schedule you come up with, keep things flexible. It’s rainy season, the bike ride may need to be cancelled, the picnic may need to be moved to the living room. It’s okay. It happens. By approaching your schedule with ease and flexibility, you’ll model to your child that it’s okay, and safe, to make changes. That we can go with the flow and feel good. You can, of course, always keep a Plan B list of activities in your back-pocket to help.

Last but not least, remember to have fun. Oftentimes the silly moments make the happiest memories. If and when you can, lean into these moments, and in the hard moments, remember to take a deep breath, reminding yourself that summer is not forever. But with intention, we can make it the best summer yet, by putting yourself first. 

About the Author

Laura Devos is a certified Parent Educator, former teacher, mama of three, and founder of Extra Roots, where parents and teachers are empowered to gain greater connection with themselves and their child(ren) through workshops, online courses and parent circles. Learn more at www.extraroots.com or contact her at laura@extraroots.com