Parenting: Expectations vs Reality | Bangkok Mothers & Babies International

June 14, 2019

We all have a vision of a perfect parent and children in mind. But as soon as we have children of our own, that vision blurs a bit. Jenny suggests what we can do on those days when raising kids gets the best of us.By Jenny RephaeliRemember being the single young lady with a flat and firm stomach and cellulite was this weird thing mums talked about over coffee? I was one of those ladies before having kids. I remember watching parents lose their minds with their two-year-olds and thinking, "I will never lose my temper with my child!" Or when I would see a toddler throw a toy at his friend's head and I would think, "That's just bad parenting, my child will not do such a thing!" A few years later, I laugh to myself about how naive I have been!

So how does the Wonder Woman of today get all of these things done without wanting to pull her hair out at the end of the day? Well, ... she doesn't!

I remember thinking a woman should be capable of balancing a good career and be a good parent. Obviously, she should be a good cook and serve only healthy meals, be there to help kids with their homework, be able to take her kids to school, and be able to share some quality time.She should be able to resolve conflicts between two kids over a Beyblade!! And definitely have the understanding and patience to comfort her child when Peppa Pig is turned off for bath time! She should be able to put her work, exercise, and joy for life on hold when the little ones squeak for attention. And all this should be done with a great big smile because who doesn't love child rearing? Once having kids, I realized that none of these things can be done to perfect standards. Actually, if you manage to do half of these things in one day and are still standing, you definitely deserve a glass of wine.A woman who is able to balance her work, kids, herself, and let's not forget the relationship with her partner, which in itself is a whole different story. It is the toughest job out there. So how does the Wonder Woman of today get all of these things done without wanting to pull her hair out at the end of the day?Well, in my opinion, she doesn't! She can get most of it right most of the time. But there are always those days when you just say "I just want to run away!"Naturally, most of us have been blessed, after having kids, with a large dose of 'motherly guilt'. That nagging voice in our head when we are at work thinking we should be at home and when we are at home, we think how much work we have at the office that we should have done by staying late and missing yet another bedtime!

Learning to lower expectations for yourself and celebrating achievements is what gives a home a more calming and relaxing feel.

This is what makes us give that hundredth hug at bedtime. The same reason we usually put our needs last on the list because someone had a bad day at school and needs some extra attention. The same reason we cook these gourmet dishes just to put it back in the fridge and heat a pizza because it’s "yucky!"I have learned that not everything can be done to perfect standards, but if you get most of them done, well, then that's a good day. Learning to lower expectations for yourself and celebrating achievements made is what gives a home a more calming and relaxing feel. So next time you’re beating yourself up that you didn't finish that email you had to send for work, and how you haven't made that costume yet for book week, and not had time to exercise in the last few days, remember that we are only doing the best we can with what time we have.And to be honest, kids don't remember the gourmet meals or the school show that you missed because you were busy working to keep a roof over their head. They remember the feelings they have of a happy relaxed mum (with a glass of wine in her hand, if you’re lucky!)Photo via Unsplash.

About the Author

Jenny is an NLP Practitioner and studying to become a Counselling Practitioner with a focus on CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy). Her goal is to work with children to overcome behavioral and development problems that will lead them on a path to emotional stability, confidence, and independence.

The views expressed in the articles in this magazine are not necessarily those of BAMBI committee members and we assume no responsibility for them or their effects.BAMBI News welcomes volunteer contributors to our magazine. Please contact editor@bambiweb.org.