Nurturing Self-love in Our Children
March 10, 2019
We teach our children to look after their bodies and care for others but it is just as important to teach them about self-love too. Teacher and mother Angelica Cosgrove shares her tips for nurturing self-love.By Angelica CosgroveWe spend every moment of our lifetimes with ourselves, making this relationship the most important relationship we will ever have. To unconditionally love ourselves, we must accept who we truly are and strive to live our lives as our authentic selves. Just as the Buddha said, “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.” Self-love is prioritizing our wellbeing by taking care of our physical, mental, and emotional health and by taking responsibility for our needs and desires. Through self-love, we create a life that blossoms with integrity; a life we can lead with purpose.Just as adults, the way children feel and think about themselves has a massive impact on their lives. Nurturing self-love in our children will help them grow up with high self-esteem, a clear sense of who they are, and be motivated to take care of their health. Fortunately, self-love is a skill that can grow and develop through practice. Tips to nurturing self-love in our children
Dream big
Inspire children to look after their physical health by encouraging them to focus on their passions and dreams. In order to pursue their visions, children need to be functioning at 100%. They may be encouraged to eat more greens if they know that it is related to achieving their dreams!Encourage good choices
Help children put a stop to repeated bad habits, such as staying up too late, by bringing awareness to the difference they can feel in their bodies and minds when bad habits are broken.Develop emotional vocabulary
Help children know their genuine selves by bringing ‘feelings’ to the forefront of conversations. Focus on feelings, rather than situations, to steer conversations into more positive outcomes. For example, “you feel angry that your brother broke your toy. How did you feel playing nicely together before it was broken?” In our house, we have a refuge in a cupboard (often used by the cat) for our daughter to escape to, to make sense of her big emotions.Teach neuroplasticity
Our brain’s neuroplasticity allows it to expand after experiences. When children are aware that persistence and dedication can physically change the shape of their brain, and that their intelligence can grow, they become more determined to persevere with challenges.Believe
Thanks to neuroplasticity, if we find something hard or difficult our brain rewires itself overnight and the task becomes that little bit closer the following day - that’s if we pursue it again. Allowing our children to struggle a little sends them the message that we trust in them. This empowers them to keep trying and when they finally succeed, they are rewarded with the gratification of accomplishing it on their own.Celebrate our children
Do it every day by focusing on effort over achievement. “You tried so hard to complete the puzzle.” “You stayed so focussed.” Praising our children’s engagement, determination, strategies, and improvements will assist in increasing their motivation and effort, whilst boosting their self-confidence, leading to greater self-love and ultimately more happiness.Encourage hobbies and interests
How well do our children know themselves? Do they have protected pockets of time to pursue interests of their own choice, play, and just be? What makes them happy? What do they dislike? For example, in our family, we visit the library once a week to borrow books on anything our toddler shows an interest in.Foster positive friendships
Friendships can make or break a child’s self-esteem. Consider having a ‘friendship plant’. When a friend shows kindness, write it on a post-it note and stick it onto one of the plant’s leaves. Look over the notes often and encourage children to seek out these friends again. Can they return the kindness?Boost kindness
Helping others is psychologically powerful and releases internal endorphins, working wonders for our self-worth in return. Encourage children to volunteer, to care for an animal, and to spread kindness amongst family and friends. Our toddler helps around the house but feeding the cat and watering the plants.Monitor surroundings
What messages do our children’s settings reveal about what we think is important? Images they have access to in television commercials, magazines, and social media could foster unrealistic expectations about how they should look or act. Surround them with self-affirming images, quotations, and positive role models.Add ‘but...’
Every time we hear our children say they can’t do something, add ‘but’ and let them finish the sentence. For example, “I can’t skate… but…I’m going to keep trying.” Adding ‘but’ to children’s vocabulary inspires resilience and self-belief.Self observe
Model positive self-talk by remembering that we are the master of our thoughts and speech. The way we talk about ourselves will likely impact the way our children talk about themselves. Saying “I was rubbish at maths at school” sends a message of embarrassment and negativity to our children. It empowers them to see that we also have weaknesses and it’s okay to use Google, pick up a dictionary, or phone a friend for advice!Read books with a focus on the importance of self-love
A few titles are Chrysanthemum by Kevin Henkes, Stand Tall, Molly Lou Melon by Patty Lovell, Unstoppable Me by Wayne W.Dyer and Giraffes Can’t Dance by Giles Andreae. I would like to share a self-affirming poem. I’d love it if you would share it with your children.‘I am the only me, that will ever be. I am unique. I am looking forward to the grand adventure of life, living and always remembering to be myself. I love being me!’Finally, to help our children love themselves, we need to love ourselves first. Luckily, all these points can be applied in our own lives. Now I’m off to enjoy my own protected pocket of time!Photo by Myles Tan on Unsplash.
About the Author
Angelica is a primary-school teacher with a passion for early-years education and an interest in alternative educational practices such as Reggio Emilia, Montessori, Waldorf, and even unschooling. Currently taking time off work, Angelica runs around after her toddler, writes children’s stories, and reads heaps of books on play-based learning and life-improvements. Any time in between is spent taking cats off the sois.The views expressed in the articles in this magazine are not necessarily those of BAMBI committee members and we assume no responsibility for them or their effects.BAMBI News welcomes volunteer contributors to our magazine. Please contact editor@bambiweb.org.