Nothing is Permanent

By Cecilia Yu

Mommy, I know this is hard; incredibly hard.

The sleep deprivation. The shower you wish you could linger in a little longer. The vomit-stained shirt you haven’t had a moment to change out of, let alone wash. The now-cold-but-once-warm coffee you brewed that’s been deserted on the kitchen counter or hidden beneath unfolded laundry. The meal you have to gulp down because there’s no time to chew. 

The raw, cracked nipples that sting with pain—pain your hungry baby’s cries tell you can’t be avoided. The resentment you feel toward your partner who can go to work and interact with rational people, leaving you to the irrationality of your little ones. And the guilt you feel as you leave for work, fearing you might miss your baby’s “first” of something that day.

Mommy, I see you.

I see you, and whatever else I missed that has you on the verge of tears, I see that too.

Mommy, these arduous days will not be permanent. 

How do I know? I know, and I am assuring you, from the other side of this struggle. My seven-year-old has developed logic and independence now and can actually be reasoned with rather than bribed with candy, cookies, or more YouTube (most days at least). My 14-year-old no longer clings to me like a baby joey to its kangaroo mama. Sometimes, I wish she still would. The only thing she clings to now is her phone, as she makes plans with her friends independently—to my dismay sometimes—and ventures off to the mall with them. 

Nothing is permanent.

He will grasp that spoon and fork and feed himself. She will finally speak words, not shrieks and cries, to tell you what she needs and wants. He will let go of your hand (or neck or legs) and venture off without glancing back, because that ant colony nearby is much more alluring than you.

He’ll be in the toilet long enough for you to enjoy at least an espresso-sized cup of caffeine. She’ll immerse herself in pretend play with dolls, pots and pans, and superheroes for at least 15 minutes, so your dream of eating, chewing, and even tasting your food will finally become a reality. He’ll learn to pull on his underwear, shirt, and pants correctly, so you can get a few minutes to brush your hair. If he takes long enough, you might even be able to squeeze in a minute to pluck those stray hairs from what is fast becoming a unibrow.

She’ll read to herself till her eyelids droop, so you won’t need to sing that lullaby for the millionth time. He’ll stay asleep longer because his growing curiosity about his world will sap his energy, so you can enjoy at least one 60-minute episode of your favorite show or a proper catch-up with your friend that goes beyond a simple “how are you?”. She’ll be so busy having fun in school or playgroup that she won’t even think of you much, so you won’t feel like she’s just desperately waiting for your return. Yes, really—nothing is permanent.

Do you know what I wish were permanent?

I wish my seven-year-old still wanted me to hold his hand and walk him to the soccer field. Now, he demands I sit on the bleachers while he walks there with his friend. I wish that he’d forever believe that Santa won’t come if he’s naughty in the days leading up to Christmas. I just know that he’ll call my bluff in about four years, maybe longer, if my teen daughter doesn’t burst his bubble until I explicitly allow her to. 

I wish my 14-year-old would always text or call me about the latest school gossip as soon as her school day ends. That she would still take me with her to have her hair cut because my opinion matters and is “trendy”. But apparently my style opinions are too “granny” and “crusty” for her to consider.

Mommy, these days aren’t permanent. Not the “I look and feel like I age ten years daily” days. And certainly not the “OMG, this is so precious and must be captured on camera” days. So, let’s just breathe through each day with grace, compassion, and (strongly recommended) humor.

Photo from Canva.

About the Author

Cecilia Yu is a self-compassion enthusiast and coach. Certified in integrative nutrition coaching, culinary nutrition, goddess yoga, and women’s circle leadership, Cecilia empowers mommies and their loved ones to lead a healthy, soulful life through anti-inflammatory dietary lifestyle, meditation, yoga, journaling, and her Self-Compassion Circles for Moms. For inspiration, follow her on @CeciliaADoseofVitaminL (FB/IG).