No More Running

By Joseph Barker
 

Feeling unenthusiastic about spending four hours falling into bogs and over rocks while running across some wintery hills might seem a perfectly rational feeling. For me, however, this was the afternoon when I finally accepted that I needed help. I had been looking forward to this weekend away with friends for weeks, yet now, rather than catch my train, I just wanted to curl up in bed. Fortunately, my external motivation, now my wife, was stronger than my lethargy, so we caught the train and a wonderful, wet, windy weekend was had. 

Nonetheless, my reluctance to do something that I loved shocked me into action, and Monday morning saw me phoning the doctor. “I think I need to talk to someone about depression,”  I said. “We can see you in five weeks,” they responded. Not exactly the urgent action I was hoping for, but at least I was acknowledging that I had a problem and was doing something about it. Five weeks later, I was looking forward to talking to a professional when the doctor’s office rang to cancel my appointment. Fortunately, I had bounced back up in the interim, probably helped by the fact that we were planning to move to Thailand. Running away from your problems is definitely better than trying to deal with them, right? (Disclaimer: this is a terrible idea, and the author has no medical training and very little common sense; don't listen to him). And so my first attempt at seeking help came to nothing. 

Running away to Thailand worked pretty well as a coping strategy. An exciting new place to explore, a new job to learn, and new friends to make. I missed running in the wind and the rain, but Thailand had its own beautiful hills to run in, and sometimes it was nice not to be cold. Nonetheless, it was clear that I was ignoring a problem rather than dealing with it. Stress started to creep back into my life. Little things began to annoy me, and rather than accept them and move on, I would get angry and resentful. Work, which had been stress-free, started to feel difficult, and I developed problems sleeping again. Finally, you're thinking, he's going to get help. Wrong! Running away remained the answer. An international move wasn't an option this time, but a new job was nearly as exciting, and once again I had given my problems the slip. (Again, this man has no medical expertise and must stop recommending running away.) This time, surely, they wouldn't be able to find me.

Fortunately, my wife can spot a pattern more quickly than me, and when, unsurprisingly, I started to get down again, she vetoed my plans to make another major life change and strongly suggested I see a counselor instead. With her advice ringing in my ears, I quickly found someone to talk to, and it's amazing what a difference being able to talk about things made. Often simply saying aloud some of the things I was thinking was enough to make them seem insignificant and solvable. Counseling enabled me to identify unhelpful mental processes which, if not checked, would start me on a negative spiral. More importantly, it has given me a vital tool for when I get down. Now I know that no matter how bad I feel, the first step is to talk to someone, and often that first step is all that is needed. 

So rather than stewing in misery, or attempting to run away from problems, much as I love running, I would always recommend talking to someone. I just wish I'd seen a counselor a few years earlier!

Photos courtesy of the author and Canva.

About the Author

Having enjoyed taking his son to BAMBI playgroups over the past months, Joe is excited to volunteer with BAMBI. He and his wife moved to Thailand from the UK in 2018. In 2021 they were delighted to be joined by their son, Martin. They love exploring Thailand as a family, especially anywhere with a playground or sand