On the Move: Recognizing and Managing Transition Stress

Moving from one place to another scores high on the scale of stress factors. A seasoned counselor teaches us how to recognize and manage "transition stress." 

By Johanna de Koning

Transitioning from one country to another takes time to adjust, to relearn, rebuild and to reestablish your home and yourself. It requires us to leave our comfort zone and traverse new grounds while managing not only ourselves but also our families.It's therefore not surprising that we may feel unsettled or unhappy during times of transition.

"Transition stress" is manifested in different ways, but common signs include:

State of mind

• Confused
• Overwhelmed
• Loss of possibilities
• Invincibility
• Physical and mental fatigue

Decision-making

• Fear-based decisions
• Frozen
• Avoidance
• Attention span
• Narrow focus
• Short attention span

Behavior

• Hyper-reactive
• Victim mentality
• Combative/angry
• Inconsistent
• Withdraw
• Isolation

Losing your familiar environment and roles you had there may result in a period of feeling the loss, feeling depressed. You may experience a brief ‘honeymoon’ period with the new culture, but this will fade. This is normal and mostly unavoidable.

We sometimes do not understand why we feel this way and tell ourselves to be happy about this "great opportunity" of moving to and experiencing a new country.

But we need to acknowledge that we have losses--of people, places, things, and routines left behind. Often, these losses are overlooked or reasoned away.

Ways to manage transition stress

There are ways that may help you to manage transition stress, and get up and going again.

Create a routine

• Work on creating new routines but keep old ones where possible.
• Find a relaxing hobby and do it every day.
• Give yourself time to establish new patterns in your new environment.
• Adopt some things that you can practice anywhere to cope better, like listening to music or breathing exercises.
• Build new friendships by joining a weekly activity or certain groups.

Be involved and stay informed

• Learn about your new place and its culture by reading and talking to friends or other parents at school.
• Look for people who can help you, e.g., local contacts or other expatriates who understand things that are totally strange to you.
• Partake in a course to learn the local language and culture.
• Allow yourself time to absorb the many new cultural changes you encounter. You will never be able to understand them all.
• Keep building your self-confidence, by reading, meditation, and interaction with other different or like-minded people.
• Exercise daily, to relieve the stress and the emotional impact of change.

Understand and develop your new roles

• Try to understand your new roles and responsibilities in this new context as soon as you can and engage with people to make it happen. Sulking at home does not get you into these new roles.
• Try to come to terms with the fact that you have lost your former roles in the culture you left. Be realistic and allow yourself to feel the loss and cry, but don’t dwell on it.
• Make a plan on how to incorporate new roles in the here and now.
• Find a job as a volunteer at an organization that you feel you want to support.

Nourish your relationships and support networks

• Ask yourself: what are my most important relationships and how can I maintain them? (e.g. through social media; phone calls, Skype).
• Talk about your concerns, needs, and hopes with your partner or close friend on a regular basis. Allow time for adjustment. Writing a journal may also help.
• Do not guilt-trip yourself or let others tell you you are ungrateful etc. when you do not feel happy or you need to complain about things. If you have a partner assure him/her it is not their fault; you are just experiencing some hard times.
• If your partner or children are unhappy or upset, listen to them and give them the opportunity to express their feelings about the new situation. You do not need to solve their problems or make them feel OK; listening to and showing understanding lightens the burden.
• Make new connections and build a new support network as soon as you can. Women's clubs, hobby groups, drama clubs, choirs, and sports are excellent support groups to make new connections.

Care for your own soul

• Acknowledge that changes are a normal thing in cultural transitions, give yourself at least one year to get used to all the changes and find your peace.
• Help your thought process by e.g. keeping a diary, to work through all that you feel or experience.
• Look for support from other expats who may have shared similar experiences.
• In case things get too tough, consult with a counselor, who has worked with people in transition.

 Photo by JK on Unsplash.

About the Author

Johanna de Konig is a counselor with over 30 years of experience in counseling and therapy. A family therapist and Sand-tray and Clay therapist, she has helped adults and children with mental health issues, anxiety, depression, and bipolarity, etc., and worked 4 years as a Mental Health Trainer and Supervisor in a Thai refugee camp. Johanna is Clinical Supervisor at New Counseling Service (NCS), Bangkok. She speaks Dutch and English, as well as Thai.

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