Looking back on 2024
By Joe Barker
I’m writing in October and it’s hard to get into the festive spirit, plus it hardly seems like five minutes since I last discussed my Christmas memories and dreams. So, this year I'm going to ignore Christmas and instead give you my top ten reflections from the year past.
1. One child—tiring; two children—exhausting
The one thing I must remember from this year is the arrival of Alice, our lovely little daughter. Sadly though, she all too often lies forgotten, quietly staring at her toes, while Martin sucks up all the attention in the room. Where with one child we were just about able to give Marty all the focus he craves without turning into permanently angry, sleep-deprived monsters, with the addition of Alice, Martin is feeling abandoned and I’m getting ever more monstrous.
2. Hunger strikes—again
“Argggh!” I scream. Has Marty jumped on my foot, poured water on the floor, or thrown one of his favorite toys out of the window? Has Alice vomited down my neck or leaked poop all over the floor? Almost certainly yes in both cases, but before I launch into a deeply satisfying and quite loud account of my children’s many, many character flaws, it’s worth considering if I’m hungry or not. Turns out most of my parenting rage is caused by my tiredness or hunger rather than Marty or Alice’s actions. Not much I can do about the tiredness, but a quick cookie or slice of cheese on toast can do wonders for their behavior, or at least my reaction to it.
3. Nannies are the best
While my wife has been on maternity leave, we've spent nearly three months in the UK. It has been glorious, seeing family and relishing home foods, cooler weather, and the British countryside. But much as I've loved being back, the thing that has become clearest to me is that children are really, really hard work. Who knew?
With both of us off work, we’ve been just about able to get through each day, but unless a grandparent or gullible friend has come to visit, there hasn’t been much time to relax. In fact, there hasn’t really been much time for food or basic hygiene. My dreams of living in rural isolation are on hold until the children are old enough to amuse themselves; before then I want a nanny—maybe two!
4. Why? Why? WHY?
Although a valid question, this is not the why in “why did we ever think children were a good idea?” Rather, it’s the delightful conversational style of three-year-old Marty. Why listen to the answer when you can simply repeat the question until Daddy dives frantically for the cookie jar or starts using all sorts of loud and very interesting words? What a welcome relief it is to sit with Alice's delightful giggles and coos after a Marty interrogation. Curiosity is good, but perhaps (just ask the cat) it would be better in moderation. It seems hard to believe we spend so much time teaching children to talk when what we really want is for them to listen!
5. Keeping it dirty
In an ideal world there would be no swearing. Obviously I intended not to curse in front of my children, but this year I've decided to give myself a break. If other people are going to drive so badly on my roads, if heavy weights are going to hurl themselves at my toes, if my wife and children are going to be so annoying, then swearing is inevitable. So I'm going to try and concentrate on enjoying my foul-mouthed outbursts and their cathartic benefits rather than feeling guilty. Plus, when schools complain about our children's potty mouths, we'll just claim it means something much nicer in another language, and deny any possibility that it's the fault of their permanently incensed father.
6. Scaling new heights
With a second child on the way, what I clearly needed was a new hobby. So this year I joined a group of dads who go climbing once a week. It's been a great excuse to get out of the house and a chance to talk about parenting with other stay-at-home dads. While this can feel like it's mainly me complaining about my family, as the other guys are all irritatingly content with their home lives, it is great to get advice from dads who’ve already been through the baby and toddler stages—they've promised me it gets easier. Some gentle exercise, a bit of a chat, some grievances—more imagined than real—off my chest, and I'm refreshed to return to the parenting fray.
7. Wifely woes and horrible husbands
How can someone as competent, practical, and generally amazing as my wife be so bad at cutting bread? Two slices in and the loaf is scarcely usable. This is by no means the only nearly unforgivable failing of my wife. There is the constant hiding of things that I've left conveniently placed and easily found in the middle of the floor. The relentless instructions to not let Marty jump on the bed/climb out of the window/tip water on the floor or do any of the other fun little things that help us get through the day with only minimal risk or chance of structural damage to the house. Above all, there are these exhausting children she keeps leaving me with.
My realizations this year are that I should eat before thinking about how annoying my wife is, and that if I'm finding her annoying, how is she putting up with me? Someone who is in constant need of instruction, rarely tidies anything up, and is either eating or grumpy the whole time. On reflection I'm very lucky to have such a tolerant and patient wife. Now if only I was less annoying…
8. Overambition at its finest
As I come to the last of my top ten musings from 2024, the final lesson learned becomes clear: though I started ambitious, I have proven incapable of remembering more than seven things that have happened this year, so I end 2024 as I started it: a chronic underachiever.
I hope you've all had a great year and have a very merry Christmas.
About the Author
Joe and his wife Diane moved to Thailand in 2018. Since the arrival of their son Martin in 2021 and daughter Alice in 2024, Joe has been a stay-at-home father. The whole family enjoys BAMBI playgroups and Thai beach holidays.