Language and Identity: How Bilingualism Affects Self-Expression in Kids and Teens

By Anatta Zarchi

Growing up multilingual is a unique experience for every child. One person’s multilingual experience in no way reflects the experience of another. Some may feel equally comfortable in all their languages, others might have one they strongly prefer, while some might feel comfortable using different languages in different contexts, or in different modes of expression, for example, writing vs speaking. There are different types of multilinguals, including simultaneous, meaning that two or more languages were learned at the same time; and sequential, meaning that the person started with one language before learning another. Multilinguals also have different degrees of balance between their languages.

My multilingual balance

As a multilingual child I was most comfortable verbally expressing myself in English, followed by Thai. With writing, I was most comfortable in English, followed by Chinese. At around the age of 12, I moved from an international school to a Thai Steiner school, and after a few years there my multilingualism began to change. I became almost equally comfortable speaking in English and Thai, although if I got very emotional while speaking Thai, I would often abruptly switch to English without realizing. 

Then some Thai began to creep into my journal, which until the age of 17 had been exclusively in English. I seemed to choose which language to express myself in based on context. When I expressed my feelings about my friends or my school day, a lot of it was in Thai—the language I used in that environment. While most other things outside my feelings and experiences at school were in English.

Multilingual self-expression 

In short, multilingualism can manifest itself in complex methods of self-expression that parents might find confusing. Each child’s experience with this depends on a variety of factors: their first language(s); the age at which they learned their other language(s); media; and whether they are most often in a dual language environment, single language environment, or a dense code-switching environment—alternating between two or more languages. 

Additionally, a child’s experience with languages and self-expression is not static, as my experience shows. Changes to any of these factors could also change the way multilingualism manifests in self-expression. So for those worried that your child is forgetting a language, know that there is a way for them to regain it!

Bridging the language barrier

The insight given above might sound complicated; some multilingual children might not even be aware of these unconscious preferences. It might, however, be more noticeable for you as a parent, especially if you don’t have the same language preferences or don’t speak the same languages as your child. Different languages have different nuances: even if you express the same thing in two languages, it still might not feel right. And of course, some words only exist in some languages, so that there is no direct translation for you to express yourself in the way you want. Because of this, it can sometimes be difficult to effectively communicate or express yourself within multilingual families.

NCS counselor Savinee shares, “There are some families where the parent mainly speaks one language while the child mainly speaks another. In cases like this, making an effort to communicate in both languages is very important, even if it means using incorrect grammar or pronunciation.” Speaking a language you’re not fluent in can definitely be a challenge, but there’s nothing to be scared of; it’s OK to not know a language well or perfectly. Just trying means you are already making progress in understanding each other on a deeper level, and any communication is better than no communication at all. Plus, practice will help you improve! Communication is foundational to building strong and healthy relationships; therefore, I encourage you to express yourself and to make an effort to understand your child to the best of your ability despite any language barriers. 

Nurturing confidence

NCS counselor Pam shared an interesting observation from her experience as a teacher and school counselor: “Monolingual children are sometimes more confident in language use than bilingual children.” Because multilingual children are constantly code-switching, they might not feel completely confident in either language as they have to split their brain between both. This is an experience that both Savinee and I can relate to, especially as children and teens. That’s the thing about growing up—the longer you use something, the more confident you become in it. Ultimately, confidence can depend on a variety of factors, including type of bilingualism, balance, personality, environment, and other individual experiences. Therefore, we recommend avoiding generalizations and looking at this on a case-by-case basis. Even siblings with nearly identical experiences can differ in confidence levels. This is where nurturing confidence comes in.

Self-expression creeps into many aspects of life: the way you present a project or essay for school, a proposal for work, how you communicate with people, how you regulate your emotions, and more. This is why nurturing self-confidence is extremely important. Though I still consider English to be the language I’m most comfortable in, I’m now also confident in Thai—a skill I value highly. Knowing a lot of languages is great, but being confident in using them makes a world of difference. Here are some tips for building confidence in language use:

Complete immersion: Being completely immersed in a language for several hours a day for a long period of time can help your child gain confidence in that language. I was extremely unconfident in my Thai when I first started at my Thai school, but being immersed in it helped build my confidence over time.

Early exposure: The younger we are, the easier it is to completely pick up and absorb languages. The more a language is used from an early age, the more likely we will be confident in it.

Fake it till you make it: Go ahead and encourage your child to express themselves in a language, even if they aren’t confident in it. Practice builds confidence, while fear holds us back, so sometimes we just have to go ahead and do it until we actually become confident in it.

Avoid shame: Don’t shame children for not being fluent in their mother tongue. As NCS’s creative director Athalie shares, “I know a lot of TCKs who are shamed by their relatives for this, and it has hugely affected their confidence in that language over the years.” Knowing a language is great, even if you’re not completely fluent in it. So be sure to encourage your children no matter what anyone else says. 

Language permeates almost every aspect of our lives, and multilingualism can be complex and multifaceted. Everyone has a different experience with language, but what matters most is that we try to communicate and are confident in what we have to say.

About the Author

Anna works for New Counseling Service (NCS), the first and only licensed mental health center in the heart of Bangkok. NCS has provided counseling services in Thailand and surrounding regions for over 20 years, with therapists specializing in a wide variety of issues such as anxiety, depression, work stress, relationships, and more. 

Contact: info@ncsbkk.com; Phone: +66-2-114-7556; ncsbkk.com; FB/IG: @ncsbkk.