Keeping the Parental Spark Alive: Finding Freedom in Structure
By Sonali Vongchusiri
Of course we want our kids to be creative. We understand that our kids expressing creativity is the birthplace of joy. As adults, the daily schedule runs in the background of our minds, and we often get focused on maintaining a structured daily routine for our families. Because we understand both creativity and structure are important for our kids.
We often tell ourselves that there isn’t time for us to be creative. After all, time is a limited resource and we prioritize being secure, solid, and sturdy for our families. We make dinners that are tried and tested, we stick to our activity schedule. We let our kids hold the space of creativity, while we hold the space of routine.
However, as Brené Brown says, “There's no such thing as creative people and non-creative people. There are only people who use their creativity and people who don't. Unused creativity isn't benign. It lives within us until it's expressed, neglected to death, or suffocated by resentment and fear.” (1)
Oof. That’s a hard truth. And what I hear in her words is that while it can be a challenge for parents to balance creativity and structure, both are important and necessary.
The Scene
You are so busy shuffling your kids to activities and playdates that you don’t have time to be creative yourself. Then you notice yourself feeling drained or some of the other not-so-fun emotions Brené quotes above, and you try to squash those feelings down. And it’s all because you love being a parent so much.
Perspective
When I explain the importance of balancing both creativity and structure, I often share this example. Baking a cake is a creative activity. However, when we bake a cake, we need a bowl—this is the structure. Without the bowl (structure), mixing the cake ingredients (creative) would not be possible. Or, perhaps, very very messy.
Now, attempting to create a whole separate bowl for our creativity—by taking an art class for example—may be impractical, as there simply isn’t the time. However, what we can do is be creative inside the structure that already exists.
Set up a system for fun
Meet your needs for freedom, creativity, and fun by building it into your routines. My favorite example is from one of my team members, Marisa, who has a weekly snack schedule that brings both structure and creative freedom. Her schedule goes like this:
- Muffin Monday
- Smoothie Tuesday
- Whatever Wednesday
- Sweet Treat Thursday
- Fruity Friday
What her schedule does is take the decision fatigue out of after-school snacks and gives her kids a sense of what to expect. She knows Mondays are muffins—but she has creative freedom about what type to bake. Freedom and flexibility are important to her, and she knows that mid-week she needs a buffer—maybe she’s busy and needs to buy a snack or maybe she has an excess of crackers to finish—so she’s built in “Whatever Wednesday” to give her that freedom.
For yourself, you could try a few ways to blend structure and creative freedom. Think of it as setting up a system for fun.
- An after-school snack or dinner schedule
- Plan activities six days in the week, and keep one day free. We have Stay-Home Saturdays which are plan-free. We like Saturdays for this because Saturday traffic is always bad. It's a great day to go to the park, invite a friend over, draw, cook together, or jump in the pool.
- Play a daily game around the dinner table. My kids and I like to play Two Truths And One Lie about our day, 20 Questions, Connections, I Spy, and so on.
Why it works
We are the organizers in our families. That’s not going to change. But we also need freedom, creativity, and fun. Building these needs into our existing systems means that they take little or no time, which makes them sustainable and enjoyable for us.
References
- Brown, B. (2010) The Gifts of Imperfection.
About the Author
Sonali is a parent coach, speaker, and founder of Forward Together Parenting. She’s been where you are with her own sensitive, strong-willed kids, and has worked with thousands of parents worldwide. Her work is dedicated to sharing how you can confidently parent, have fun, and create lasting change that feels good.