Joy Can Be Closer Than You Think

By Sonali Vongchusiri

You’re reading this, which tells me something important about you: you care deeply about creating happy memories. You have a deep desire to make weekends special. You’re trying to say yes to the movie night, the favorite restaurant, the playdate. You’re working hard to balance work, school runs, dinner, life—and still, somehow, be the kind of parent your child will remember as “fun”.

You want your kids to feel joy, but sometimes, despite your best efforts to keep it light, that desire turns into pressure. Joy starts to feel like something you have to produce, plan, generate, or organize. And when we’re tired and our schedule’s crammed full, there realistically isn’t space for all that.

So instead, let’s take one of those in-between moments and flip it. Not by adding more energy or effort, but with a spark of joy that’s small, silly, and completely unexpected.

Perspective

First, joy and excitement are two different things. Excitement is loud. It’s the birthday party, the weekend trip away, the fun outing. It’s high energy and usually attached to something happening. Joy is quieter. It’s steadier. It isn’t necessarily loud or bold. It lives in the space between two people. It doesn’t need a whole afternoon. It doesn’t even need a special activity.

In fact, kids who feel deeply often connect best through gentle, playful moments—something small that makes you both smile. Something that makes the play feel safe, neither overstimulating nor understimulating, and which, by adding just the tiniest splash of fun, helps both you and your child remember that you can feel joy together, even when there is a busy schedule.

What to say and do

Pick one completely ordinary moment. Maybe that’s passing the butter at breakfast, giving them their water bottle on their way to school, or sitting beside them while they finish homework. And tweak it ever so slightly to infuse joy. You could: 

• Slip into a dramatic movie voice and say, “Ahhh… there you are, my favorite little human.”
• Or rate their apple slices like an overexcited food critic. “Oh, that apple earned a ten out of ten for taste.” Take another bite. “Oh, the crunch is a 13 out of ten.” Another bite. “The smell...24 out of ten.”
• Or use your favorite funny voice to ask them to pass the butter.

It takes five seconds. You’re not using more time, you’re not performing, you’re not even turning into the “fun parent”. You’re just letting a spark of lightness in. And often joy is even simpler than that. It’s wearing the earrings that make you feel even more like yourself, or using your favorite pen instead of the one closest to you.

My recent favorite way to tap into joy has been to say to my kids before bed, “You know what I know about you? Your default setting is joy.” This one is my favorite because it lets kids know they can always return to joy and yet there is no pressure. It lets them know we see the joy in them and that it is their natural state—even when they aren’t feeling that way right now. It feels freeing and empowering to say it to my kids.

These aren’t massive gestures, and yet they massively change the joy of the moment.

Why it works

When we think joy requires more from us—more time, more money, more creativity, we unintentionally put it out of reach. Remember that joy doesn’t actually ask for that much. All it needs is the tiniest spark of delight in a gentle interaction.

And something else happens when you let yourself access joy in small ways: your child learns they can create it too. They start throwing out their own silly voices and they notice the small good things. They stop waiting for the “big fun” to feel something warm between you, and that is the kind of joy that lasts. It’s not loud or impressive; it’s woven into ordinary life.

If you’re tired, you don’t need to become more. You don’t need to plan something bigger. Joy is closer than you think. It doesn’t require more of you, just a little less pressure, and it might be sitting right there at the breakfast table, waiting for a five-second shift.

About the Author

Sonali is a parent coach, speaker, and founder of Forward Together Parenting. She’s been where you are with her own sensitive, strong-willed kids and has worked with thousands of parents worldwide. Her work is dedicated to sharing how you can confidently parent, have fun, and create lasting change that feels good.