Home, Away From Home

By Rachel Ofo
 

Traveling back home is something all expats living in Thailand have experienced at some point. We did it a lot. It could’ve been a quick trip, or maybe an extended one, but we'd always include plans to return to Thailand. We'd discuss our travel plans with our friends over a cup of coffee. We'd laugh about what we would do and see and who we would meet up with or try to avoid altogether. We'd get reminders to secure a re-entry permit upon exit and report our return upon arrival. We'd excitedly pack our bags. Sometimes we'd lament over how expensive ticket prices were. But we did it again and again. Living thousands of miles away from where we grew up created a suitcase full of feelings. But at the end of the day, we loved the familiarity of home almost as much as we loved crawling back to our bed in our Bangkok condo. It’s been a year since my family and I left Thailand, and these sentiments are just a memory now.

I had friends in Thailand who missed their home countries so much that it blinded them to the beauty of Thailand. Everything they saw on the roads, in the waters (thanks to big water monitors), and in the skies were cause for complaint. Nothing was enough. I had friends who used Thailand as an escape from where they came from. Some friends never felt a strong sense of belonging anywhere. They followed wherever the tides took them, enjoying each new culture and the diverse living it brought, understanding that nothing is permanent. It was quite literally a mixed bag. However, for the majority of friends I made in Thailand, after some adjusting, it was a home away from home. So when it was time to make that yearly visit back to where they came from, as much as they loved it, it was always nice coming back to Bangkok.

One thing that was so necessary for visiting back home was remembering the differences in culture. There were things that were OK in Thailand that wouldn’t pass in the US and vice versa. However, because it was only a visit, it was easier to make little changes here and there. We knew that in a few weeks we would be back to our Thai ways. I never considered the struggle of permanently adjusting not only to those “little changes” but to the big ones as well. When making a huge move back, life gets so busy that it was only after settling in that we started to realize just how different our life is now. It’s been a year and we’re still adjusting.

Yes, it’s great being somewhere where everyone speaks our language. It’s awesome no longer having to worry about sitting in immigration for hours. But to hear our child cry every other day that they miss their friends makes us realize how much we miss our friends too, in ways that a video call won’t satisfy. Apart from our Thai friends, there was a certain camaraderie of being around people who were in the same boat as us. We were all away from our home countries. We were all trying to create friend groups and mom groups and family groups. We all had similar struggles. But moving back home means now we’re trying to fit back into a group that isn’t quite the same. Because now, we feel almost like foreigners back home, and nobody else quite understands.

We find that the things we joked about in Thailand end up being what we yearn most for, and those around just smile and nod, trying to follow along. I wish I could wander around 365 days of the year in flip-flops. I miss the ease of hopping on motorbikes to run errands all afternoon. I often find myself thinking about all the different cafes I frequented and how unique every single one was, despite selling virtually the same thing. And nothing here can compare to our local 7-Eleven, whose parking lot would turn into a mini night market every evening. I could buy a broom, grilled chicken, and flowers on my walk back home. 

One of the biggest things I miss having moved back to the US from Thailand is the love of children. Now, please don’t go running to your friends saying, “Rachel says the United States hates kids”. To clarify, the first child bathroom I saw was in Thailand. Going out with a baby and having all the waitstaff hold and distract her while I ate happened in Thailand. Events and play areas for children were never in short supply. So yes, it’s safe to say, Thailand loves kids. Moving back to a country with a child, after having left childless, put a different set of eyes on. Yes, returning to your home country for good takes as much adjusting as it did when we left. We try not to be those people who always begin their conversations with “Oh, back when I lived in Thailand…” or bring up “Well, in Thailand they…”. But it’s inevitable. We find that although we aren’t ethnically Thai, Thailand is in us.

We find ourselves giving self-talks, as we did when we first entered the Land of Smiles. When I sat alone, in my first Bangkok condo back in 2016, I had to constantly remind myself, “It’s OK. You’re in a different country. You have to adjust. Don’t compare. Look for the positives.” It’s a bit daunting having to repeat these same words in the place you grew up or spent years living. Nothing is quite the same. And that’s life. Because the truth is, as we changed and adjusted to our new lives in a new country, our old lives and old country adjusted without us. It’s sad; it’s confusing; it’s a bit weird. But it’s life.

So what now? Well, we keep moving forward. Accepting the differences early on is one solution. Focusing on time with our family is another. Finding ways to fill the void also helps. Among the sea of subpar Thai restaurants around me, I’ve found one that cooks exceptionally tasty Thai dishes, where I can get all my favorites like larb, krappao, and pla muk tod gratiem. I also returned with some Thai pastes, just in case. Fortunately I live in an area where there is a large Thai community. So about 15 minutes from my home, I can spot Wat Phrathat Doi Suthep. There are always cultural events happening. I remember the excitement of hearing Thai spoken in public and greeting the couple with a wai and sawatdee ka. Obviously, nothing can compare to being in Thailand, but we take what we can get for the time being. 

Will we ever return to Thailand? To live, maybe not. To travel, absolutely. Just as the interconnected khlongs flow throughout the city, taking a little bit of its previous area with it, our lives do within us. Everywhere we go, we take a little bit of home and leave a little. Regardless of where we end up, the connection will always be there, flowing throughout our being. No matter which seas we eventually end up in, we’re never away from the home we hold inside us.
 

About the Author

Rachel Ofo moved from the US to Bangkok in 2016 and spent six and a half years there. She has a daughter, whom she loves dragging around on various adventures like hikes and fishing trips. In her free time, she enjoys reading, watching movies, and trying new restaurants. She also enjoys being out in nature.