The Emotional Load of Parenthood

By Jeannie Kim

Parenthood is often described as a journey of love and fulfillment, but behind the sweet moments and milestones lies an often invisible weight—the emotional and mental load that comes with raising a child. While financial responsibilities are often clearly defined, the mental and emotional labor required to run a household and care for children is less tangible but equally significant. In many households, one parent tends to carry a disproportionate share of this unseen burden, leading to exhaustion, resentment, and even a decline in mental health. However, when responsibilities—both tangible and intangible—are shared equitably, parents can find a better sense of balance, leading to a more fulfilling and sustainable partnership.

In our experience as a family, my husband Ken and I have learned that equity in a relationship isn’t necessarily about dividing everything 50/50—it’s about supporting each other in ways that acknowledge our strengths, circumstances, and needs. Through intentional communication, proactive planning, and mutual understanding, we’ve created a dynamic that helps us navigate the challenges of parenthood by creating an equitable partnership while preserving our well-being.

Recognizing non-financial contributions

Ken and I do not make equal financial contributions to our partnership, but we still have an equitable partnership. When we moved to Bangkok, I put my acupuncture practice on hold, which was a difficult transition for me. While I never earned a large income, my practice was my passion, and the ability to contribute financially gave me a sense of independence. Before relocating, Ken and I had an open discussion about this shift, and he reassured me that my inability to work wouldn’t cause a power imbalance in our relationship. This understanding has helped me feel valued, despite not bringing in an income, and has reinforced the point that a financial contribution isn’t the only form of “work” in a household.

Quarterly relationship check-ins

As unromantic as it sounds, we hold quarterly check-ins where we discuss important, but often overlooked, aspects of our partnership—finances, productivity, happiness, and personal and family goals. These conversations help us stay aligned, set expectations, and ensure that both of us feel heard and supported. By explicitly stating what we need from each other, we create a space where our concerns are addressed before they turn into resentment.

Being attuned to each other’s needs

Over time, Ken and I have learned to read each other’s moods and energy levels, which has allowed us to step in and support each other when needed. If I’m feeling exhausted or overwhelmed, Ken takes Kai out for a couple of hours, giving me time to recharge. Likewise, when I notice Ken is mentally drained from work, I adjust my expectations and offer him space. Small, intentional actions like these help prevent burnout and maintain a sense of partnership.

Anticipating stressful periods

Another strategy that works well for us is giving each other a heads-up when we anticipate a stressful period. For instance, if Ken expects a particularly demanding few weeks at work, he informs me in advance. This allows me to take on more of the household decision-making, such as meal planning and scheduling activities, to reduce his cognitive load. In return, he does the same for me when I have commitments that require extra focus.

Using neutral language for shared responsibilities

Language plays a significant role in maintaining fairness in household tasks. Instead of asking, “Did you change Kai’s diaper?”—which can sound accusatory—we phrase it as “Has Kai’s diaper been changed?” This small shift in language eliminates blame and encourages shared responsibility, reinforcing the idea that parenting is a joint effort rather than a checklist of tasks to be assigned.

Parenthood is an ongoing learning process and so is building an equitable partnership. The goal isn’t to split everything perfectly but to ensure that both partners feel valued, supported, and seen. By fostering open communication, proactively managing stress, and being mindful of each other’s needs, we create a healthier, more balanced family life. While the emotional load of parenthood will always exist, sharing that load intentionally can make all the difference—not just for us as parents, but for the well-being of our entire family.

About the author

Jeannie is currently pursuing an honors degree in psychology with a focus on clinical applications. Prior to this, she was an acupuncturist specializing in fertility, stress management, and pain relief in Sydney for 12 years. With her unique blend of Eastern and Western therapeutic approaches and maternal perspective, as feature writer, Jeannie promises a valuable contribution to BAMBI Magazine.