The Curiosity Code: Raising Children Who Love to Ask “Why?”
By Chrissy O'Brien
There's a moment familiar to every parent of a curious toddler. You've just answered what feels like the hundredth "why" question of the day, and before you've even finished your sentence, that little voice pipes up again: "But why?"
I remember the day my son discovered this magical question. We were walking through the park when he pointed at a bird and asked why it was flying. After explaining that the bird might be finding food or escaping predators, I watched his eyes widen with that beautiful spark of wonder, followed immediately by, "But why so high?" That afternoon turned into a marathon of bird-related questions that left me simultaneously exhausted and in awe of his budding curiosity.
As both a mother to a question-generating machine and a science educator with two decades of experience, I've come to believe that this natural curiosity is perhaps the most precious resource our children possess—and one we should protect fiercely.
I’ve spent much of my life fielding questions. In the classroom, I was prepared. I had equipment, diagrams, models, simulations, and well-structured answers. But nothing quite prepared me for the sheer tenacity of a three-year-old who wants to know why he can’t have cake for breakfast for the fifteenth time in a row.
Yet here’s the thing: that relentless questioning is exactly what we want to nurture. Research tells us that curiosity is one of the key predictors of academic success. A study published in “Pediatric Research” found that children with higher levels of curiosity perform better in school, regardless of socioeconomic background (1). Another study from the University of California suggested that curiosity enhances memory and learning by activating the brain’s reward system (2). In other words, a curious child isn’t just an inquisitive one; they’re one whose brain is actively wiring itself for deeper learning.
The curiosity crisis (3)
Research suggests we may be facing what some people in education call a "curiosity crisis." Studies from developmental psychologists show that children ask fewer questions as they progress through school, dropping from an average of 100 questions per day at age four to just 10 questions per day by age ten. As Dr Susan Engel, author of "The Hungry Mind", puts it, "Curiosity is a delicate flower that needs nurturing—and can be easily trampled". So how do we nurture our children’s curiosity?
The toddler training ground
Raising a curious child starts with embracing the chaos. My own pre-schooler is an expert at turning everyday moments into deep existential inquiries. A trip to the shop is never just about buying milk—it’s about why cows produce milk, why he has oat milk instead, and why we can’t take the dog that sits outside home with us.
As a teacher, I always encouraged my students to ask questions. I even had a “Wonder Wall” in my classroom where students could pin their biggest “why” questions, and we’d tackle them throughout the week. But I’ve realized that fostering curiosity isn’t just about answering questions—it’s about resisting the urge to shut them down. While it's tempting in the rush of daily life to say, “Because I said so”, those four words can be curiosity killers. Instead, I try to flip the question back: “That’s interesting! What do you think?”
The science of “why?”
Curiosity is like a muscle—the more it’s exercised, the stronger it becomes. Neuroscientists at Johns Hopkins University found that when children are encouraged to explore, their brain’s prefrontal cortex—responsible for higher-order thinking—develops more robust connections (4). That means their constant questioning isn’t just about annoying their parents—it’s about actively sculpting their intelligence.
So how do we keep that curiosity alive when the natural world of “why” collides with the real-world demands of getting out the door on time?
Practical strategies for raising inquisitive children
Embrace the ‘I don’t know’ moment
Kids have an uncanny ability to ask questions that even Google would struggle with. When my son asked me why flamingos stand on one leg, I was flummoxed. But instead of brushing it off, I turned it into a game: “That’s a great question! Let’s look it up together.” It turns out that flamingos do it to avoid muscle fatigue and to conserve body heat when standing in water. Who knew? (Well, flamingos, apparently.)
Model curiosity yourself
Children mirror their parents. If they see you asking questions, wondering about the world, and seeking out knowledge, they’ll learn that curiosity isn’t just for kids—it’s a lifelong trait. At dinner, I sometimes ask my toddler, “I wonder where the sun goes at night?” It sparks conversations that are both adorable and, occasionally, surprisingly profound. Rest assured you don’t have to have all the answers.
"I wonder" walks
During strolls in the soi or the park, we play the "I wonder" game, taking turns pointing to something and wondering about it. No answers are required—just the joy of questioning. "I wonder why the leaves change color?" or "Why do the pink flowers look black in the dark?"
Let them make mistakes
Curiosity is messy. It means letting them experiment, even when you know the outcome. When my son wanted to see what would happen if he mixed blueberries and ketchup, my first instinct was to say, “That’s gross.” But I let him do it. He tasted it, made a funny face, and declared, “I don’t like that.” Lesson learned, no lecture required.
Encourage open-ended play
The best toys aren’t the ones that light up and sing. They’re the ones that let children create their own worlds. Blocks, cardboard boxes, sticks in the garden—these are the tools of an inquisitive mind. When children have the freedom to explore, they develop problem-solving skills that go far beyond childhood.
Celebrate the questions, not just the answers
When my son asks particularly thoughtful questions, we celebrate them as achievements in themselves. "That's such an interesting thing to wonder about!" has become a common phrase in our household.
The long game References
As a science teacher, I’ve seen what happens when curiosity is nurtured. My most engaged students were not the ones who memorized facts. They were the ones who asked, “But what if...?” and “Shall we investigate the effect of this?”
As a mom, I’m playing the long game. It’s exhausting sometimes—I won’t pretend otherwise. But I remind myself that every “why” is a sign that my child is thinking, engaging, and learning how to make sense of the world. And that’s worth every minute of answering why dinosaurs don’t wear shoes. Sometimes, the greatest gift we can give our children isn't answers but the space to develop their own theories—however fanciful—followed by gentle guidance toward understanding.
So, the next time your child asks you “why,” take a deep breath, embrace the moment, and remember: you’re raising a thinker. And who knows? Their next “why” might even teach you something new.
References
1. Hassinger-Das, B. & Hirsh-Pasek, K. (2018) Appetite for knowledge: curiosity and children’s academic achievement. Pediatric Research 84, 323–324. nature.com/articles/s41390-018-0099-4
2. Fell, A. (2014) Curiosity helps learning and memory. University of California. universityofcalifornia.edu/news/curiosity-helps-learning-and-memory
3. Engel, S. (2018) The Hungry Mind. Harvard University Press.
4. ScienceDaily (Oct 2, 2014) How curiosity changes the brain to enhance learning. sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/10/141002123631.htm
About the Author
Chrissy, originally from the UK, moved to Bangkok in 2017 to work at an international school. With 20 years of experience in education and science, she now focuses on science writing and allergy education consulting. Chrissy enjoys attending BAMBI events with her three-year-old son.