Like a Boss! Balancing Life as a Single Mom
June 09, 2019
So how do single moms actually balance it all? In this article, Cara tells us what “balance” actually means and how single moms, unknowingly, have the capability to do so.By Cara MayegaIt's just after 2am and I've only had a couple of hours sleep when the little coughs splutter over the baby monitor. I wait a minute, praying they will stop. They don't. My daughter cries out for me and I stumble, bleary-eyed, to her room. This is the third night of coughing and fever as she fights off one of those mystery viruses that kids pick up in Bangkok.I reassure her and lift her out of bed. Her brother is still asleep just meters away and I am quite sure he will stay that way. After putting her on the nebulizer, dosing her with some sweet, sticky Tylenol and cuddling her back to sleep, I collapse back onto my own bed. It's now 4am. In two hours, I need to be up and get the kids ready for school, then head to work for a big presentation at 9am. I wonder if I can get away with another day of dry shampoo and remind myself to wear pants, as I haven't had time to shave my legs. I am a magician when it comes to covering up the dark circles under my eyes with concealer. It’s a hidden skill I never had until I became a mother.Balance is ... about prioritizing what is important THAT day.The following morning, I arrive at the office and check in with my nanny to see how my daughter is doing. Her brother has now also come down with a fever and I feel pangs of guilt for leaving them at home with a helper. I inform my assistant that I'll be going home after my morning meetings and that I will reschedule anything after 2pm. I quickly send an SMS to our pediatrician to check that she is working today.As I take a deep breath and walk confidently into the meeting room, my male colleague casually asks "How do you balance everything?" I laugh nervously and reply "Clearly, I don't".Later that night, after the presentation, the doctor’s visit, my personal training session, and reheating a home-cooked meal from the freezer, I can’t shake that moment from my head. Why did I brush it off? Why did I dismiss my colleague’s question with a nervous laugh and a self-deprecating answer?Clearly, I DO balance everything. What is balance anyway? Is it an equal weighing of 8 hours of work + 8 hours of sleep + 8 hours of life? And what exactly makes up the "life" component? Isn't this all just life? My work is just as important to me as my sleep and my children will always be my priority. I invest in my health, my friendships, and my community. There is no clear line between any of these. They are all part of my life.Balance is not about a clear delineation. It is about prioritizing what is important THAT day.Some days that means long, exhausting work days in Manila followed by a three-hour flight home to Bangkok. Other days that means working from 7pm until 10pm so I can go to my son’s Taekwondo class at 4pm and watch him get a new colored belt. Balance is knowing I can't always be home to cook nutritious dinners for the family, but I can meal prep in advance. I've been known to attend global conference calls while off camera, my nail lady is giving me a pedicure.
As a mom, I don't want my children to see me just survive each day. I want them to see me thrive.As a single mom, it's easy to be weighed down with responsibility. Especially at 3am, when you need to nurse a sick child but also want to impress at work the next day. There is no spouse to help, there is no backup. Your baby needs you and you are all they have. As a single mom, you accept that balance looks a bit different. Every day you are given the gift of twenty-four hours and new challenges to conquer. You assess the needs of your little family, your career, your health, and your happiness and then you prioritize. You get it done. Then you do it all again the next day.As a mom, I don't want my children to see me just survive each day. I want them to see me thrive.If I ever get asked again how I balance everything as a single mom, my response will be "Like a boss".Photo Courtesy: Unsplash, photographer Aswin
About the Author
Cara is an Aussie expat living in Thailand. She juggles being a single mom with a demanding career. She has learned never to say no to a good kids’ club and is not afraid to call Mama noodles “dinner”. Cara is also the founder of the “Solo Parenting in Thailand” Facebook group.The views expressed in the articles in this magazine are not necessarily those of BAMBI committee members and we assume no responsibility for them or their effects.BAMBI News welcomes volunteer contributors to our magazine. Please contact editor@bambiweb.org.