Becoming The Parent You Needed
By Sheena Low
Motherhood in modern day society is high pressure. Whether you are leading a team from a skyscraper in Sukhumvit or managing a household of staff and young children as a stay-at-home mother, the mental load is heavy. On top of trying to exercise, even when there’s a heat wave, and trying to be a ‘conscious parent’ and trying to get your kids to eat healthy, there’s a lot of striving and not enough relaxing. We are often told to enjoy every moment, yet many of us spend those moments in a state of high alert.
Psychotherapist LJ Jones understands this weight. As a BACP-registered counselor with eleven years of clinical experience across Thailand, UK and Beijing, she specializes in maternal mental health and somatic therapy. She is a mother and a grandmother. Her work focuses on the body’s role in emotional health so I asked her for her thoughts on the challenges modern mothers face and how we can focus on our emotional well-being as mothers.
The invisible load
The reality for many mothers is a life of dual roles. You might be a stay-at-home mother managing a complex domestic schedule or an entrepreneur running a business from a home office. Regardless of the job title, the mental work is twice as high as it was for previous generations.
This creates a physiological state of constant stimulation. Many women are living in a body that forgets how to stand down. This high-alert state is a biological imbalance. It leads to a "victim mindset" where the schedule runs the person. When you are stuck in this cycle, admitting you are tired feels like a betrayal of your love for your children.
Mom guilt is the result of this conflict. It is a mix of biological maternal instincts and the social pressure to look perfect. Social media makes this worse by presenting a fake, filtered version of parenting. The physical intensity of pregnancy and delivery changes a woman’s brain. When we add the pressure of the modern lifestyle, the nervous system becomes overwhelmed.
The mother is the anchor
A child does not have the ability to regulate their own emotions. They rely on the mother’s nervous system to feel safe. If the mother is vibrating with anxiety, the child will match that energy. Jones explains that a regulated mother allows her child to "borrow" her calm.
This makes your own wellbeing the most important factor in your child’s development. You cannot provide a sense of safety if your own body feels under attack. Self-care is a requirement for a healthy home.
How to steady your system
Regulation does not happen during a yearly vacation. It happens in the small, daily choices to pause. These actions help move the body out of a state of alert and back into a state of connection. Here are some small simple actions you can try.
Set a morning intention: Before the chaos of the day starts, decide how you want to feel. Choosing an intention gives your brain a sense of agency.
Practice five minutes of stillness: Do not wait for a spa day. Find five minutes every day to sit in silence and breathe. Notice where your body feels tight.
Acknowledge the tiredness: Stop fighting the fatigue with guilt. Admit that you are exhausted. This honesty reduces the internal pressure on your nervous system.
Find three specific gratitudes: Every morning, identify three things you are thankful for. This trains your brain to look for safety instead of threats.
Accept help without guilt: If you have a partner or a helper, let them take the lead. Stepping back is necessary so you can return to your children with actual presence.
Your phone is a barrier to connection
The current generation of parents is the first to raise children while living in a virtual world. This creates a specific challenge for connection. We use apps to track feedings and naps, which can turn parenting into a data-driven task.
True presence is about being fully attuned to your child’s inner world. It is found in the "messy" moments rather than the planned ones.
Phone-free zones: Create specific times, like meals or the hour before bed, where phones are put away. This signals to your child that they are your priority.
Small moments: Connection happens during a walk outside or while drawing on the floor together. It does not require grand gestures or expensive outings.
Mindful awareness: Take a moment to see the world from your child's perspective. Put aside your to-do list for ten minutes and just be in their world.
Reparent yourself
One of the most underrated parts of the parenting journey involves looking backward. To be a conscious parent, you must examine your own childhood wounds. This is called "reparenting".
We all carry thorns from our past. These might be insecurities or patterns of behavior we learned from our own parents. If you do not address these wounds, you are likely to transfer them to your children. Becoming the parent you once needed allows you to provide the safety you might have lacked. This work is what prevents generational cycles from repeating.
Raising resilience
The goal of this emotional work is to raise autonomous, healthy individuals. Resilience is the ability to handle the thorns of life without breaking.
Emotional freedom: Children need to know they are safe to express a full range of feelings. This is especially vital for boys, who are often taught to hide their vulnerability.
Secure attachment: When a parent is regulated and present, the child develops a secure base. They learn that their feelings are valid and that they can return to safety when life gets difficult.
Autonomy: A healthy child is one who feels empowered to grow and explore while knowing they are supported.
A final word
The years when children are small pass very quickly. In a fast city like Bangkok, it is easy to spend these years just surviving the schedule. Jones encourages mothers to lock in and be present.
Your happiness and your health are the foundation of your family. When you choose to heal your own nervous system and look at your own story, you give your children the best possible start. Focus on the small moments. The work starts with you, but the benefits will be seen in the healthy, resilient adults your children become. Enjoy them while they are small.
References
L.J., Jones, (2026) Become The Parent You Needed: Heal Yourself to Raise Emotionally Healthy Children. Shadowscript Group.
About the Author
Sheena is a mother to four-year-old, August, runs Super Fly Honey, a brand that makes technical activewear for pole dancers around the world, and dreams about writing children’s books. After three years with a lot of yoga, deep friendships, purposeful retreats and IFS therapy, she realizes that becoming a mother is actually a superpower.