Always His Mother
By Shelka Sharma
We often talk about children, but only those who are visible and present. However, no one wants to mention our angels in heaven. Parents who lose their children find that others avoid the topic, thinking it might make them sad. Yet we forget that they are parents too, just like everyone else, and they want to talk about their children.
My name is Shelka, and I am the mother of two kids: my son in heaven and my daughter, who is my life here on earth.
In 2021, I gave birth to a stillborn baby at 38 weeks. This devastating event turned our lives upside down. As the saying goes, when you give birth to a child, a mother is born as well. In my case, however, a sad and depressed mother emerged after losing my son—a mother, wife, daughter, and lost human being.
My husband, family, and friends stood by me like pillars, supporting me through this mourning, yet no one mentioned my son or allowed me to talk much about him. They thought that discussing him might push me further into sadness. But all I wanted to do was talk about my son, the nine months I carried him, the night before my delivery, the last kick I felt, and everything I experienced with him.
Whenever I saw other children, I longed to share my experience with other mothers, to express that I am a mother too. Everyone kept asking if I was feeling better, but they seldom let me speak about my baby, thinking it would deepen my grief. All the while, my heart was screaming, “I am OK, hear me—I want to talk about my baby! I am a mother too.”
After two years of sadness, our daughter entered our lives, filling it with immense love, joy, and light. Finally, the world saw me and called me “mother”. But am I just a mother of my daughter? No. Every time someone asks me if she is my only child, I hesitate before answering. I hear this often from fellow moms of sons who say, “You have a daughter; you don’t know how naughty sons are.” In response, the mother within me insists, “No, I have a son too.” Yet to the world, I smile and remember my son.
Through this platform, I want to reach out to fellow parents who have their angels in heaven. Feel free to talk about your babies if you wish, and know that it is absolutely OK to cry while remembering them: that’s our right, after all. Do not lose hope in your babies. Gather your strength and welcome them back into your hearts. They want us just as much as we want them. Talk to your baby as you did while they were in your womb, and invite them back with love and joy. Believe in yourself and have faith. There is always light at the end of the road.
Remember, it is only you who can change your world—no one else can.
About the Author
Hola! I’m Shelka, an Indian who found a second home in Bangkok three years ago. I’m a Spanish teacher and proud BAMBI committee member, devoted to family and guided by good karma and the values of humanity. I aim to nurture a warm, balanced, and supportive personal and professional life.